apathy and depression

I suffer from executive dysfunction. It makes life incredibly dull. It feels like I’m rotting. I don’t have the energy to do anything—and I mean that literally. Something as simple as preparing food for myself feels like a chore, to the point where I simply don’t care enough to eat. I would go hours without food and I still wouldn’t care enough to eat. I feel apathetic about everything. On top of that, the loneliness I feel on a daily basis is so dense that I hug myself to try to even feel just a drop of warmth. I hug a pillow as hard as I possibly can to at least try to replicate the feeling of a living, breathing human being holding me. And I haven't just been feeling these feelings for a couple weeks. I've been feeling these feelings for several years, ever since I was 15. I know that this way of living is not sustainable. I don't even know what I aim to get from writing this message. I guess I'm just lost in my own suffering of loneliness and misery.