i dont know how to be happy

I'm 18 and I'm sad since I was 10, right now because of my mistake I'm left without my group of friends and I feel very lonely, I also had problems with self-harm in the past, all I want is to have someone to talk to about these things and stop feeling alone, I have a deep desire to feel protected and cared for, since my source of love and care (my parents), are violent and I have many problems of domestic violence, currently I can't go to a psychologist and I need help.