my first post

(sorry if my english was bad)

Tw i guess?

its hard to open my feelings to someone i dont know but im trying. so first i dont know, but its so hard to understand my feelings or my emotions i dont why i act in that way, i cant describe my feelings i dont know if they was real or not its so hard for me to know what i feel or my feelings i want to experience how it feels to be normal sometimes i ask myself how normal people act and react i have so many thoughts in my mind but when its time to speak i have nothing to say its hard to know myself why im being like that why i just be like the other people at my age, i have so many ideas how to end and i’ve tried before but im too scared that i will be still alive and people ask me why i did it, and also when the year start i get so much worse and all i can think about is ending but i feel i should happy no matter its not even that bad but i cant why i just cant be normal and im scared to tell anyone