no famil support

Hey everyone. I hope you are all doing well. I usually don't do that, but this year i bottled up a lot of emotions and now i feel like they are all going to come out at once and i will have a mental breakdown.

So i need to vent. A lot.

I am extremely disappointed and hurt by my family. Growing up i thought my family was perfect but then in my teenage years everything went south. Now that i'm an adult i struggle with denial a lot. I tried to justify their abuse, tried to have compassion for them. Even tried to rekindle our relationship, nut to no avail.

Let's start with my aunt. She is one of the worst women i ever met. She is extremely manipulative and wants to control everyone. When i was a teenager she constantly gave me lectures about how i am an ungrateful kid, how  am i a bad daughter for my dad. My dad constantly was telling her EVERYTHING about my life and she constantly nagged me about my dreams and things like that. Saying that i am a worthless b, that will amount to nothing.

My uncle(not her husband another one, i have a lot of uncles) was very supportive of me in the beginning. He would talk to me and support me. Cheer me up. But then something happened and he changed instantly. He stopped answering to my calls and messages and ignores me. When he did answer to one of my calls he told me i should figure out my life on my own and then he hung up.

He hurt me so so bad and i am still heartbroken.

My dad is a whole other story. He used to neglect me a lot and he still does. He simply doesn't care. I once lost my consciousness in front of him and he didn't do nothing. When i woke up he just said oh you finally woke up. And that's it. I was once in the hospital and my parents and other family relatives didn't even go and check up on me. I had to go out of the hospital alone.  I also once told to my parents i wanted to d!ie and they didn't react at all. My mother ignored me and my dad laughed at me and nagged me saying i should just do it.

How am i supposed to love myself after all this trauma? How am i supposed to wanting to live after this? Of course i am depressed now. How can you not be depressed in a situation like that? I am so so hurt and i feel like i won't be on this earth for too long because the pain is too much. The only thing that keeps me going is figure skating, my cat and just a bit of hope for a better future but that's it. I don't think soemthing will change in my life for the better. But miracles can happen right? I just don't get it why i have to suffer so much. It's incredibly unfiar.