unhelpful things people said when my dad died
Let me preface this by saying that I KNOW everyone means well, and I so deeply appreciate all the love and support I have in my life. I’m so grateful for all of the people who check in on me and all of the people who constantly show up for me. But… sometimes, some of their phrases don’t land right, and I just need to vent.
“I can’t imagine ever losing my dad.” (Yeah… me neither)
“Everything happens for a reason.” (No, it doesn’t. Sometimes suffering is just suffering. There’s no silver lining or bright side. It just sucks)
“Time heals all wounds.” (I will miss him for the rest of my life)
“I know how you feel.” (If you haven’t lost a parent, then no, you don’t)
“At least he’s no longer suffering.” (I know this is selfish of me, but when I’m talking about my pain, it’s because I KNOW he’s no longer suffering, but I AM. Also, he was doing well. His cancer was stable, and he refused pain meds because he felt okay)
“This one was said to me by my nanny kids’ grandpa– I kid you not) “I’m sure you’re feeling better by now.” My dad died last month and he was my dad for 24 years. No, I’m not doing better)
“He’s in a better place now.” (He didn’t want to leave, and I didn’t want him to leave, either. The “better place” is at home)
“You can’t wallow in your grief forever.” (I’m 24 and my dad just died. Give me some time to wallow, please).
@sarabethhxoxo
I'm sorry for your loss. The loss of a loved one really shows the true colors of people you know. You can tell a lot about a person by how they react when someone dies. During the worst time of your life, you can really see who supports you. You deserve all the time you need to process this shock. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. You don't have to deal with the grief alone, we are always here for you.
@trueconfidant123 Thank you <3 That means so much
@sarabethhxoxo
@sarabethhxoxo
You are right, losing someone who gave us true love deserves space to grief. Thank you for understanding there are good intentions behind the imperfect words. People can get really awkward facing someone’s pain and not being able to help.
So thank you for sharing this. It’s more than just venting. I think it helps building awareness. In here we are constantly reminded to not deny someone’s pain. Still, I can imagine myself saying some of those phrases if not focused enough. Hopefully, it will help me not to.
Would it be alright to say that you are lucky to have had a dad that you miss so much? Like in Winnie the Pooh quote: "How lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard."?
@pinkCherry1616
Thank you for your kind words and support, and, yes, that is totally okay to say! I tell myself often that grief is love with nowhere to go, and that, if I’m hurting this much, it means I loved greatly and deeply. I know he felt that.