!vent, would like advice!

Hi, I’m Abby, and I am 15. Recently, my doctor has told me that based on a form I completed, I was on track for severe depression, and I wasn’t really surprised. But lately, it’s gotten worse, and I think I am at my all time lowest.

Recently I’ve stopped loving what I used to. Playing The Legend of Zelda, Roblox, drawing, or even crocheting. I’ve tried doing all of them, but eventually just go back to laying in bed and trying to sleep off the day. I feel so numb right now, and my head is swimming for some reason. I tried drawing not even an hour ago, and I stared at a blank paper for forever while my head swam through a thick water. I’ve never laid in bed silently for so long before.

On top of that, I’ve been struggling with food, and I constantly feel like I will throw up if I eat. Everything sounds disgusting. I am 5’4, and I weigh 220. I’m disgusted with myself. So originally, I told myself I’d stop eating so much in hopes to lose at least some weight. (I’ve been getting desperate as someone with PCOS). But now looking at food makes me uncomfortable, and this is coming from someone who ate food as a hobby at one point.

And the last thing I wanted to mention, is about being transgender. For four years now, I’ve been non-binary. But recently, I have been feeling like a boy. I don’t know what’s going on, but I don’t know who or what I am, and I hate myself for it.

Thank you for listening (or reading), and if anyone has advice please tell me!! :)