First Introductions

Prepare for a novel.

I was referred to this site nearly nine months ago and since then have attempted talking to listeners every so often to varying degrees of success. Recently, I met a fantastic person here who inspired me to take a chance on getting a bit more involved. I'm a 25 year old straight, white male living in Northern California so I'm pretty much the stereotype of privilege but I still feel helpless on my own, might as well see what I can do with help.

I guess that thanks to depression I have plenty of time to think, something I've done a lot of when it comes to myself, my feelings, and my situation in life. Mistrust and paranoia are the norm for me, I've become more and more prone to anger as of late. I've simply slipped away from life in most cases to the point where I can't even bring myself to search for new jobs. I don't know why, I just sit down to try and give up before starting. I get angry at people I don't know for simply saying good morning and forcing me to be social act like I'm not miserable so they can have their moment of self satisfied, obligatory politeness.

I apologize if that was over the top. I don't like sounding arrogant but I'm an educated man. I have a graduate degree in writing and a bachelor's in mass communication but I have also studied astronomy and cooking. I am qualified for editing, technical writing, and advertising positions but have never so much gotten a no thank you to any job I've applied for. I only have the two jobs I do know because someone I know got it for me.

My passion throughout high school and college was reading, writing, and video game, most of which I can't even do anymore due to extreme apathy and past bad experience with other people simply ruining the activities for me.

Most of all, I have simply lost faith in people and the world. I lost faith in any sort of religion long ago and have come to terms with that, but I would appreciate it if my own little intro thread remains a God free zone. Thank you in advance. I have had three girlfriend treat me worse than dirt without any respect for me as a person. They lied to me, manipulated me, and neglected me until they wanted to use me and this has left me with a lot of pent up hurt and mistrust. My friends are falling away from me, it just seems like no one out there in world actually wants me around unless it's to use me to benefit themselves. Either to help them move with my truck or use my naturally empathetic nature to feel better about themselves.

So by now, if you've made it this far you're wondering if you've interpreted any of this correctly (my interactions with listeners usually goes this way) I'll just say that I feel like the only real person in the matrix with 7 billion cardboard cutout programs all slowly and subtly testing how to drive me into a mental breakdown.

Just know that I appreciate real conversation, not hay or sup but I know what it's like to struggle to find something that proves the world is real so I'll kindly reciprocate to anyone who needs it. Basically, feel free to say hello.