Hello

My name is Lily. I was frequently physically abused by my parents when I was 5 and 6. Now it has lessened by a significant amount, but I have lost my trust for my family due to a now constant verbal abuse. I don't feel comfortable in this house.

When I was in elementary school, I was very outgoing but I kept losing my friends. I lost hope in making lasting friendships. Now I'm a very quiet type of person that can't seem to make friends anymore. I'm always on the Internet to distract me from thinking about utterly useless I am, but my sadness always spills.

I visited a counselor on March 17th. My mother took me, and when the visit was over, I told the counselor to not say anything because I knew my mother would say things like, "why didn't you tell me? It's like you don't trust me," and countless other guilt tripping things. Now she doesn't set up any more appointments because she says, "nothing is wrong"

I'm only 14, and there is no way I can set up another visit on my own. I don't even know if I have depression or not, but I have so many suicidal thoughts everyday and I feel little to no joy doing anything anymore, my head is always distracted and my grades are dropping... I don't know what to do and Sometimes I think that it'd be better to just die instead of having to go through so much just to see life normally. Please help me, I don't know what to do anymore