I Guess We'll See - Maybe There's Hope?

Hi. I'm not the best with introductions. I have suffered from depression and anxiety for as long as I can remember...but it wasn't really recognized or even addressed by my family and friends until very recently.

Last night, I had a brush with suicidal thoughts/tendencies. I'm on the verge of being dumped by the one person who's love has kept me alive for almost two years now. I feel lost and hopeless.

After a 1-on-1 chat this morning with a wonderful individual, I decided to explore this site and the forums more. I hope I can become a good contributing member of the various communities here, and that I can get help and support for myself through this terrifying time for me. To give you an idea, just last night we were trying to plan how long it would be before we try to get pregnant...and now this. I have already lost him once, I don't think I would survive losing him again.

My depression has always taken the form of being completely internalized and as "secret" as possible. I've hidden it as long as I can remember behind the super happy, outgoing, extra friendly funny Me. Eventually I cracked and the anxiety, depression, and self harm came to light.

I hope to be able to seek professional help again soon. I hope I can make it through whatever is on the horizon for me.

Thank you for having me, thank you for welcoming me, and thank you to the person who took the time to chat for a few minutes with me this morning when I had nobody else to turn to.