I'm getting worse
There's so much going on inside me-emotionwise and therapists somehow expect me to be open like a book but I can't do that! besides for the fact that I don't understand things myself. I am highly confused and in pain and can't remember many things and I'm supposed to open up to someone who doesn't know me. I want to quit therapy and quit school and quit living in this city and just run far far away into the woods and hide under a rock.
When i see a doctor i just say whats on my mind and whats bothering me..start there..what ever is on your mind at the time you walk in. Try that
You're right...I do feel like this would be a good idea. The problem comes when either my present mood has to do with replaying the past OR because I've only had 2 sessions so far with this therapist, he wanted to know more about my past. I also wrote down that I want to "heal from past hurt" as a goal. So that means digging into this that I need someone to guide me through because when I do it alone, alot of it is blurry and only a handful of memories replay repeatedly but that's only a few puzzle pieces and it's not making sense.
Hi. I'm sorry you're going through. It's perfectly okay to not feeling like opening up to therapists. They are supposed to earn your trust, not the other way around. And if you don't feel comfortable telling them how you feel after the first, second, third session--or ever--that's okay too. It just means that that someone else is out there who you feel safer talking to, even if you haven't met them yet, even if they aren't a therapist or another professional. By the way: it's also okay to describe to others how you feel without giving them details that are too painful to talk about. A good therapist addresses your emotions first, and they should be able to do that whether or not you choose to share the rest of your story.
Memory and concentration problems are typical signs of depression, and once your mood gets better, those symptoms will fade.
Hang in there. Things will get better.
It has been the second session yesterday and I already feel like it is going badly. I am having trouble recalling many things that I know I feel guilty about but are way too abstract for a discussion in therapy. For example "fights" , I remember alot of fighting but my therapist asks for concrete examples. Or "why do you feel guilty?" and I don't know that answer but he does nothing to provoke my thoughts so I'm left feeling bad over not knowing why I feel so bad.
I have not told him about memory problems or concentration problems because these don't manifest through school as it would for most people. I still do decently in school so when asked about concentration I say I can still function. However I am more on the threshold line between functioning and not functioning. I've always been a messy person, with poor organization skills and distracted so how do i know what's normal and what's depressive symptoms? my family is part of the problem...they'd be livid if they find out I'm seeking help. Even though I'm over 18. I live with them and that's really triggering which means it hinders the therapy process. I have so many things working against me but I am still trying. It is just really painful because I dont feel like I have the skills necessary for therapy to be effective. It sucks.
Thank you both for the quick reply. Much appreciated <3
Unfortunately, many therapist are trained to equate "typically functioning" with health and happiness. It's a very one-dimensional way of looking at things, but it makes a kind of sick sense in a world where, as long as we can keep going to work or school, that's all that really matters. People can be suicidal and still function, but they're still miserable and need help. If you're in pain, you need support.
Despite what the DSM and other manuals might tell you, "normal" looks very different from person to person. My definition is this: if you're unhappy with where your life is at, that should be addressed, regardless of what category you fall in to.
I don't want to pass judgment on a fellow professional, but I think it's fair to say that you feel this therapist isn't effective. I'd like to share with you a podcast I made on what the attributes are/what to look for in a good therapist. I think it may be helpful (and if for some reason you'd rather read rather than listen, I can try to find the text version. I posted it as a forum thread a long time ago, but I lose track of where my posts disappear to...)
I don't know what's motivating your families' attitude, but it's clearly not helping you feel supported. That's very difficult to seek help when the people you live with not only aren't giving you the support you need, but are actively thwarting your attempts to get help. I can tell by the way you write that you're an educated, insightful person. That's a major strength you have.
You will find support here. I support your attempts to get help, and others here will as well. Stay strong, my friend.
What Makes a Good Therapist
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WnA5tHXVYHk
Here you go my friend. I do hope this helps a bit. :)
As for the therapist, what helped me was the write down all of my thought and feelings and just pin those buggers down. I noticed I lied or downplayed my thoughts/emotions because the "building of a relationship" is when I try to keep from looking like a complete nutterand scaring them off. Whatever you want to address, make a list beforehand and bring it with you. Promise yourself you will be open if they ask (you have to give them the paper!). It may be tedious but it is way less scary than answering "How do you feel today?"
And hey, hiding will only get you so far. If you need to, take a day off. Go center yourself and bring a notebook. Be honest in the book and just free write. Maybe address it to yourself if that's easier. You are allowed to catch your breath before jumping back in to life. Make time for yourself, friend.