I'm not sure

I don't know how this works, but I needed an anonymous outlet. I've been struggling with chronic depression, anxiety, bipolar disorder type 1 & 2, and body dysmorphic disorder since I was 14. I'm 27 with 2 children with my ex husband. Life has gotten so messed up and even darker than it used to be. I've been struggling to find a decent paying job to take care of my children and myself, but to no avail. We are currently living with my brother, his wife, and their 2 kids. I feel like such a failure. I can't get a job that has decent pay with good hours. I have my kids 24/7, and I also babysit my nieces. I feel like I'm drowning with all the stress. I have a extremely hard time opening up, so I bottle everything up and go about my days acting as if nothing is wrong. Even typing this is harder than it should be.