Suicidal thoughts coming around every now and again.
It started when I was 17 and I woke up occasionally thinking I wanted to kill myself or I thought that life never meant nothing. I was in my room last night feeling really down and I wanted to drink whiskey (Luckily I didnt) and I was burying my face in a pillow. My depression and anxiety is going but every now and again it comes back and I dont know if I should be really worried because I dont want to be on medication because of the suicidal thoughts ive been having. I posted them up on facebook but I kept them private then I would delete them straightafter. I feel its the only way to get my feelings out properly I dont know why.
@Sherrycherry
You are so brave posting this and I am positive others will relate. These thoughts are scary for a whole multitude of reasons and feeling unable to share them is horrible and isolating.
in my view suicidal ideation - the thoughts without intent - are the minds way of looking for an escape, a way out from the pain you are experiencing. I also feel there is a common misconception that if we share these thoughts what happens next will be out With our control. People would take steps to protect you but actually what I hear is someone fighting to keep themselves safe in spite of these thoughts.
You mentioned putting them on Facebook but hidden from view as your way of expressing them. What I feel you do here is validate to yourself they are very real thoughts and feelings that you wish others understood? Please talk them through with someone in a way - a place you feel safe. It might help you understand them a little better yourself?
keep fighting and look after you. You have courage and are demonstrating strength not weakness. You deserve to feel okay and be heard xx
I know the feeling.
Step 10
I came on here in a very bad state, and this was the first thing I saw...and I wonder if it's because it was at top of the posts, or because it spoke to me so loudly...
whatever the case that's exactly why I'm here
its almost like schizophrenic voices, they are so loud!!
i can't stop them, and now I have a plan.
wvery so often a glimpse of good comes thru and I see how INSANE it is to feel this way!! But when I'm INthe feelings, there is NO DENYING IT.
its like seeing someone being sick, and feeling for them but not understanding how TERRIBLE it is unless your feeling that.
mental issue or not...it feels very physical.
It is very real and it kills
I sometimes post my thoughts up publicly and then I get deleted for it because they obviously dont want to know which makes me think that people are too busy concentrating on their own lives to even care about anyone else so I dont bother making an effort in getting my message across.
In my view people on facebook are so obsessed with themselves because of all the likes and attention they get but when I have a problem I automatically become invisible to everyone because im not trying hard enough but I dont care if am making effort with myself I just want someone to tell me that everything will be fine in the end not be fobbed off because im not posting anything interesting to them im not a toy or something to be used every now and again its disgusting :/
@Sherrycherry15 while socia media has helped connect the world, it's definitely skyrocketed alienation and self-absorbed behaviors. When I post something real and raw, I have a subset of people I have to filter out - because they always assume the posts are about them. And I agree, the world at large just doesn't want to admit to the "less pretty" elements.
Thank you so much for sharing of yourself and engaging the conversation. Wishing you a more peaceful day.
