19 and Lost

For the last couple of years I've been depressed. Its gotten worse since I graduated high schoolin 2013. I barely graduated, only passing by a few points, and college really wasnt an option because we had no money and my mom wasnt interested in helping and I hated school. In march 2013 I met my boyfriend who immediatelychanged my life. Ive never been as happy as when Imwith him. We both believe that we are soulmates. We live with his friends and he supports me financially. I love him for this and I thank him everyday but my depression is just getting worse. I feel so useless. I want to help him and act like the adult I tell everyone i am. But im terrified of getting a job. Just leaving my room when I know everyone is in the living room is a problem, so how am I supposed to go out and apply and deal with all the rejection because no one wants to hire a 19 year old with no experience and no self confidence. I had a job for one day. I was hired on the spot for telemarketing and I was fired after my first hour of work for not being able to pull any lines. It was a huge blow to my self esteem and it didnt help that my mom laughed at me. I have no idea how im supposed to get a job and then be able to handle it on a daily basis. But then I see my boyfriend struggling and I just feel so selfish. The fact that I cant take care of myself is embarrassing and if it wasnt for my boyfriend i might not even be alive. I cant tell him how awful I feel all the time because it would break his heart and I just dont want him to think that he isnt making me happy. I dontknow how to get my mind out of the huge dark hole its in. If I watch one of my movies or something I forget for a little while how depressed I actually am but then it only takes one thought or one comment for my whole mood to crash and for my mind to start going dark. I dont want to feel like this anymore but I just dont know how to make it stop besides the dangerous and damaging techniques Ive used in the past.