9 months and still struggling
Hi there,
Just been really struggling recently and in need of some support/anyone who's through a similar experience.
Basically, I've suffered from relatively mild depression for some time now. It's been with me pretty much all of my adult life (I'm 29 now) but it's been a lot worse recently.
9 months ago my girlfiend broke up with me. It was a shock and I was in pain for a long time and my depression got to an all time high. However at the time my life was pretty shitty in general. So I made it a personal mission to improve everything in my life, and that's what I did. New and far better job, new place, have put on a good deal of muscle (after getting pretty skinny due to break-up) etc. In a lot of ways, this is the best I've ever been. And I really thought doing all this would finally help me move on and feel better. But it hasn't.
As I'm sure most of you know, suffering from depression fucking sucks because it can trick you into thinking you're finally okay. And for the past few weeks, I finally thought I was. But recently it's come back really aggresively. My life is pretty damn perfect except for the fact I'm still in love with my Ex and still want her back, even though all hope seems lost. And because of this, it's keeping my depression very high and not allowing me to enjoy everything else that's great in my life.
So I guess I'm just looking for a bit of advice?
I've been given the whole 'you'll move on' 'meet someone else' etc stuff. The only thing is, I don't want to move, I only want her. But I'm also very aware that whilst I keep longing for her, my depression will remain at its peak.
I've got with other girls in hope of trying to move on, but it only really made me miss her more.
Any help?
Thanks.
@placidFriend1525
Sometimes when we are grieving after a relationship fails, we are grieving over what could have been and who that person could have been for us and to us. What we fail to remember is that the relationship is not there for a reason. I think now you may have a better idea of what you do want and need because of her. But you also have to be realistic in knowing what didn't work, or wasn't working as well. It doesn't mean that you forget about the good stuff and only focus on the bad, just that you look at it with somewhat objective eyes. Does this make sense?
@placidFriend1525 Depression is awful. It tries to take away all the good things in our life. I want to commend you for trying and achieving change in your life despite that. The things you've done are amazing. I've heard it said that it takes at least as long to get over someone as the time you were together. Now, I'm not sure if that's scientifically accurate by any means but it is interesting to think about. You need to give yourself time to grieve the loss of your ex from your life. Feeling pain and loss sucks but it helps us heal. Only you can decide when it's time to move on and that's all perfectly valid. Good luck and I hope you feel the depression break again very soon.
Thanks for the replies guys, I really appreciate it.
I'm definitely aware that were a lot of negative things in the relationship too and I try to bring them up in my head to make the situation better. But annoyingly, when you long for someone, you can only seem to remember the positive stuff. Or at least that's the case for me.
I know I'll get past it eventually, I was just hoping that would have happened by now. We were together around 2 years, so here's hoping it doesn't take that long!
It would just be a lot easier if it wasn't combining with my depression, which I've always coped okay with in the past. Although I realise now that I've had a pretty fortunate/sheltered life.
Feeling this way and having the depression reach this peak and consistency has really helped me realise the pain that others go through due to this every day however. Even though I've suffered from it for some time, I've been pretty selfish and haven't really considered others who suffer from it much worse. That's definitely not the case now, and I hope I can help others. So I guess that's one positive to take from all this!
Thanks again.