A calm outlook on things

Yesterday I made a few posts in my very depressive state, I feel the need to write out something longer than some meaningless bullshit.

It just gets tough for me, since I really do want to feel better and grow, but it's just hard to belive that's possible when I actually don't rember what happiness is. It's hard for me to reach out, because I never had any support from anyone around me. I'm really scared to let myself get close to someone, when everything I can expect is disappointment. I am usually really ok with my emotions, I can control if they come out or not, but since I do that, a lot of my emotions like to burst out all at once. I am just tired of the anxiety I had since forever, I am tired of the depression that developed a few years back, I am tired of my anger issues, I am tired of letting out all of these emotions on myself, I am just tired of existing.

I really appreciate everyone that reached out to me yesterday, I actually didn't expect to get any replays, I just wanted to feel a bit lighter, but I now realised if I actually want to deal with my problems I should try to write something a bit more meaningful.