Alone in a big city
I have been living in a big city for 8 years. I have no family or friends in the area. I have been married a little over a year and am pregnant. I find myself in crushing loneliness and crying in private every day. I desperately want to move to be by my family. My husband is surrounded by friends and family here. So the reasons I want to leave, are the reasons he wants to stay. Feeling completely at a loss for what to do.
@bigcityloneliness11
It seems like you are in a tough situation. Remember that you need to take care of yourself and even more when you are pregnant. When you feel this way, there are so many stress hormones in your body and the baby can sense it. How often do you talk to your family? I hope you at least have the opportunity to talk to them once in a while. It would be nice if your husband could take you with him some time with his friend or family to include you more, but I do not know what is your opinion on it. When my friend was in this situation, she joined some online groups on FB. She was an expat so it was difficult for her to make friends as she did not speak the language. She found some mothers in her area online that were in the same situation and they even started going out together! Of course, I would also remind you to be careful and to make sure it is safe before meeting someone you met on the Internet. I wish you find some friends in your area and visit your family soon!
He takes me with him to hang out with his friends and family but I'm so shy and introverted that I just try to fade into the background. It just makes me want to be with his family more. My family talks regularly through text. Just after 8 years I miss the in person talking, being present with each other for all the mundane things. When we were dating I made sure to mention that I wanted to move back home and if this would be a problem, and he said no. Now that I'm serious about it he's back peddling and doesn't want to leave. Thanks for responding to my message. Just knowing someone was out there reading this and cared enough to respond is huge :)
Sending strength and peace. I agree that you deserve some time with your family as soon as you can make that happen. Pregnancy can really be hard if you are away from home. Does your husband say that he is unwilling to move again? What would moving halfway look like?
It is okay to be shy and to struggle a bit with friendships, especially in an area where your husband has a network. You have worked hard to try to be with him for eight years in his space.@bigcityloneliness11
I thought briefly about the halfway option if it came down to us needing to compromise. He didn't give an absolute no, but I felt like he was laying on the guilt for what I would be taking from him if we left. While at the same time not thinking sbout what I've already been sacrificing. Thanks for taking the time to comment on my thread. Means a lot ❤️
It is okay to make him experience something a little rougher. You certainly have tried hard to get into his space. A marriage is about compromise. You don't need to feel guilty for asking something of him. If he starts laying on a big guilt trip, then figure out ways around it. Your mental health matters, especially if you are going to be dealing with an infant. A child needs parents who are present and engaged. Do it for your coming child, but make your wishes clear and known.
We are here to support you any time. @bigcityloneliness11