Am I Depressed or Just Self-Obsessed?

I guess what I am going through is some kind of depression. It is like being a boat and some days the tide lifts you high and you feel OK. Other days, you are sinking. I don't know when I will ever be me again. The abuse I went through still plagues me and it is so hard to feel positive, even when I am surrounded by friends. They all seem to have such positive and vibrant lives and I have found that I am comparing myself a lot to them and highlighting to myself just how bad things are. I am self consumed, obsessed with my feelings and all because I can't talk to my parents or have any further contact because of the abuse they brought on me. But still, I love them, will always love them. I will try and remember the good times we had and then it makes me cry and I feel suicidal because it just seems so unfair that I've had to lose another set of parents. Then I start to question "why?" about living, about what I am doing here. I'm at a complete loss. I am stuck in the house and in my own head and it's so black and so dark and unyielding and I feel like I am being suffocated by these negative feelings. I don't know what to do anymore...or who I even am or am meant to be. I have no job even though I have applied to over 100 and then I beat myself up about spending so much money on degrees only to get nothing from it. I'm sorry to all of you reading this, but Life is being a horrible thing to me right now and I'm finding it really hard to feel happy. Things that used to make me happy don't. Is this depression? Or is this just self-obsession?