Am I normal?

Hi everyone.

I'm not sure if this is the correct section to be posting in, but this was the closest section I could find for the issues I'm going to explain later. And I do apologize in advance if it is in the wrong section.

Lately I've been feeling like I'm not normal, and I guess in a way it's been making me depressed. For example, I've started feeling like I'm not normal because I've been looking back at my life. I live with my guardians, and not my actual parents now (though I still get to see them from time to time.) Anyhow when I was younger I was told that my dad wanted to have an abortion on me. I've also started realizing how most of my life, I've never been good in school. In elementary school I always made poor grades, but it wasn't until I got to middle school and high school that I've started making good grades (such as A's and B's.) I've always done stupid and bad things. When I was younger, I was really hyper. Some people even found me annoying. Since I was twelve I started disrespecting my Guardians, and started having anger management issues. I fell into peer-pressure. And I can't make normal connections like a regular person. For example, I didn't know you actually had to focus or study for school. It wasn't until my Teachers over the course of the previous years started stressing this to us students.

When I was younger I would also cause scenes in public, like screaming, yelling, and kicking and saying rude and ridiculous things. For example one time we were at this mini theme park, and my cousins and guardian wanted to go on a ride which they told me wouldn't be scary. So I agreed to go on the ride, but after I got in, I found it to be really scary. When it finished I yelled really ridiculous, and stupid things, which I regret. And I was only maybe twelve or thirteen at the time. Something I said was something like "I'm going to sue this place!"

After falling for peer pressure I did stupid and mean things that led me to fall into depression. It affected me about every year for about four years. It changed me to be a better person though. I became more careful of the people I became friends with, and made sure I put myself around positive and smart students, so I wouldn't fall for peer pressure again. But I also wasn't aware of the fact how you could speak to your guardians about how you feel, or that there were such people such as "counsellors." I made it my goal to be completely nice to everyone, so even teachers and students could just come up and talk to me. That ended up with people using me, and me not being able to stand up for myself anymore.

In our middle school yearbook, because I was extremely nice to everyone - they gave me the Nicest Person title. And my parents saw that, and they were like "Why aren't you nice at home?" I think I'm not nice to them because I just don't know how to act around them. I guess what I'm trying to say is that because they're not my real parents, and rather are my guardians - all my life I've basically had to act like a different person. And I guess it was hard for me to tell them that I was nice at school because after being depressed, I wanted to make sure everyone at my school could easily approach me. But I guess when you're depressed, you become negative. And in a way, at home I was negative.

I know I probably sound really stupid, maybe I even sound possesed, or maybe even bratty. And I hate myself for being that way. I've changed over the course of several years, so I don't think nor feel I'm necessarily the same person I was a few years ago.

Lately it's just been coming to my mind, and I've been thinking about them and I've been wondering if I'm actually normal or not. And if I am mentally ill, I'm scared. I don't know. But I guess at the same time I've also started to realize how it was bad for me to have acted like that when I was younger.

It scares me how I acted, and I'm concerned. I don't think I can forgive myself for acting the way I did when I was younger. I want to be normal.

I guess maybe if you guys have any input on this I would appreciate it.

Thank you.