Am i depressed?
Hi there,
I am 21 years old and I still find myself almost every other day crying and having anxiety about my life and where i am at with it all. I struggle getting over my childhood and feel like I am molded by it and will never be able to change and get over it and that I will be held back by it all my life and have problems having proper relationships because of it.
I also make my working life hell because of how I feel. I feel like i am never good enough and i am a failure and this is stopping me from progessing in my working life,
No matter how hard I try I just always feel like crap about myself and I'm exhausted that life isn't getting any easier as it has been so hard for me when I was a kid. I have signed up for counselling but they still havn't contacted me back and I have been on a waiting list for over three months now.
I don't know what to do or who to talk to about this but I can't keep on feeling like this. My partner is amazing but I feel like he feels like he doesn't know what to say when i'm down and it makes him feel awkward so I don't feel like i have anyone I can talk to...
Is there anyone out there I can talk to?
Hi I'm Luna I'm only 13 but I can tell you that your not alone I feel the same way with my anxiety and depresstion you can't go change your child hood but you can look back and say that was in the past this is me now and I'm better then that and I will over come this stay strong hun okay you've got this far don't give up now!
hi there luna,
i feel so sad that i'm older now and i still havn't got over this, and i almost talk myself into failing and losing things before i even get them. I have a partner now who i really love and because my dad walked out on me and has acted so horribly towards me over the years showing me that he doesn't care it just gives me this constant feeling that my partner will walk away from me and that he says he loves me but he really doesn't, just like my dad did. Its really hard because i can't face talking about it to anyone because i don't want to drone on and annoy people and i know i will never get an answer that i want to hear. My mum also used to tell me that she wanted to leave and she'd wished she'd never had me and I spent my whole childhood looking after her when she was drunk. So what i am trying to say is i just always feel like i am not wanted and that i will never be good enough for anyone and no one will ever stay with me and look after me... it all sounds a bit stupid really but i don't know what to do...I feel like i am going crazy and something is wrong with me....
Well I want you and if your mom and dad walked out on you then they ate hordel and not worthy to be in your life you deserve so much more! Ik how hard it is to not have them cuz my parents left me too I sit in my room and never talk to them but you know what that's the past and your so much more then the kids who looked after your mom and dad cuz there's people who love you and if they don't leave them cuz they are should not be in your life its time for you to take a stand and say I'm me take it or leave it I will not want my time you sucky people and I'm going to live my life! I do have to go now my last and strong advise call a helpline they are amazing take care and just know I love you!
I'm very sorry that you feel this way. I'm in almost same shoes as you, except I'm 27 and just had a relationship of 7 yrs come to an end. I have never felt this way (pain and sadness). It was physically exhausting to do much. I was abused as a child and told I was failure. But I don't let my childhood define, I simply won't. You are only human for feeling this way, and you're on the right path of talking to someone. I try to take it day by day and celebrate the little things I accomplish daily, bc the future can be overwhelming. I tell myself that I believe in myself and I truly make an effort to act on that. Don't give up on yourself and please keep communication open with your partner as you have been, I can't stress enough how important it is. It's not easy, but you're already proving yourself to be strong by reaching out for help and acknowledging yourself. That's the toughest part, in my opinion.
thanks, this does all really help. it is hard to cut my mum out of my life because i really do love her despite everything that's happened. it's like despite how much hard times they put me through i still wish the best for them. I find it really hard to accept that i was actually neglected as a child because when i think neglect i think much worse than my life. I feel like i am stuck on this never ending circle where nothing really changes (even though it is) and i feel like i drain the happiness out of others when i talk about it.
to the 27 year old; have you managed to move past this or is this a continual struggle for you?
I'd like to think that I'll never fully move past the beat down on myself. I tell myself that once I become hard on myself I have to take control on feelings. Not let myself go into the past. But to use the negative experiences as a stepping stone to better myself (notice how I didn't say to prove those who doubt me wrong). My father walked out on me at a young age. I allowed him bk in my life after forgiving him at age 25 and I got physically abused till I sent him to jail. And now that my 7 yr relationship has come to an end leaving me crippled. But I'm allowing myself to let myself grieve, feel the pain so that I can eventually past it and emerge as a better person. I take my entrance exam to medical school next month and have been left feeling exhausted. But I'm allowing myself to heal so that I can regain my concentration and focus on what I've spent years dreaming of. I pray, and ask for strength. I cry when my heart seems to over pour, I don't waist my energy fighting against this heavy. I go with it bc for me it's less energy costing, I take that energy and invest it into healing. I'm not where I want to be, but I'm also not where I was. I come from a family of doctors (parents and siblings are physicians along with 6 others in family) so the pressure is painstakingly high. However, I try to divert that attention and energy into remembering what my passion is, and how I want to full fill that.
It's not easy what you're going through, not easy at all. But try not to let yourself feel pressure. If I could, I wish I was your age so I could have done things differently and had already been helping people. Nonetheless, I'm incredibly blessed to be given a chance at ANY age to be able to attempt an exam.
When I say never fully move past the "low self confidence" I mean that I don't tell myself that I will never go through a faze where I'm tough on myself or have slef doubt again. Bc if I do find myself at that road again then I'll think I failed in progressing and I'll take the downward spiral. Instead, I grab control of my thoughts nuse that same energy to turn it around. That way I know I don't have expections and I tell myself it's ok that I have found myself at the spot once again but allow me to use my past experience to turn it around. Hope that makes sense.
thanks, reading this has been very helpful,
I guess it's all just a long term game of resilience. I'm slowly taking pressure off of myself and reminding myself that I am young and where i'm at is okay. I'm sorry to hear about your pain as it sounds like your facing alot of tough pressure but it sounds like you use it to drive you really well. I'm about to start work as a support worker so I know i'm on the right path and it has helped me to understand alot about my life. It can be so hard sometimes when you feel resentment and love both so strongly towards a parent but I feel it is too late to approach how I really felt about my childhood because my parent doesn't really acknowledge that there is a problem so bringing anything up only causes confrontation. I'm glad I you have shared your experience, it's nice to finally talk about it and realise that I am not alone.
I am about to start counselling but i'm not sure if this will be counter productiveas it's only bringing up the past? What are your thoughts? have you tried it before?
i would also like to add that there are some days that i feel completely fine and even though they are few, it feels as if nothing is wrong and everything will be fine. then i seem to go through phases where i'll constantly feel worthless, all the time. no matter how much anyone tells me im good i just cannot accept it, i never want to hear it. it's a bit ridiculous.
also luna thanks for your support, i think it is great that you can so openly talk about this at the great age of 13, i wish i'd of had the same courage. this is the first time i've sought advice in my entire life. x