And That's Okay

A concept that I am trying to remind myself of is that it is okay to be where I am. I have heard this a few times from different people but it has proven difficult for me to believe, as I'm sure it might be difficult for you too. I don't believe that where I am in life is acceptable in comparison to where I could have been. But that belief shows my remorse and desire for change. The realization itself can be seen as evidence of growth; "That is where I was, this is where I am now, and that's okay".

But someone else might look at my life and see human error where I see unfathomable stupidity, a normal existence where I see mediocrity. The kind stranger might say "You've made mistakes, but that's okay."

Unfortunately 20, 30, 40 years of damage, faulty thinking, or a certain mental state cannot be repaired overnight. What we can do is slowly make changes gradually. We can relate mental health recovery to learning to ride a bike. We'll fall a lot, learn in stages, and might even need training wheels or help from someone else. The idea is that even if riding this bike takes all of our mental energy to ride a few meters today, maybe it won't be the case tomorrow. Maybe, tomorrow, we'll ride to the end of the block without falling. But today we'll start where we are, and wherever that may be, that's okay.

One thing that has made things so much more difficult for me has been the way the people around me have spoken to me throughout my attempts to recover. When I didn't make immediate progress, or I stumbled and fell a few steps back, I was told that I was the problem. The truth is that the process is very slow and anyone who puts you down for your pace or position hasn't got the faintest clue what they're on about. What also irritates me are the empty platitudes and "Shoulds and Musts". "Stop comparing yourself to others", or "Life is what you make it", or "Happiness is a choice" are vapid, naive statements made by individuals with an over inflated ego and an affinity to blaming people for the circumstances in their lives or their emotions. People do not struggle because they choose to, they just struggle because that's life. It can be helpful to replace those stupid, unhelpful concepts with those that are a bit more forgiving. You're doing what you feel comfortable doing, as quickly as you're comfortable doing it, and that's okay.

It's okay to compare yourself, it's okay to not be happy with who you are, it's okay to feel regret, anger, loneliness, shame, or not like what you see in the mirror. It's okay to have down days, or to worry about everything, or feel like you're constantly dreaming. It's okay to be gay, it's okay to be in a body that you do not feel you belong in, it's okay to feel that you do not fit in with the people around you, it's okay to be you. I hope you slowly shift yourself into a neutral thinking state in which you improve yourself by the day while simultaneously being accepting of who you are now.

I believe the most important point for me in my recovery is the idea that I do not have to feel better to get better. Progress can be made even if it isn't very obvious. I hope this helps.

** I thought I'd post a few long entries of things I believe might help one or two people out there. These are my opinions and my opinions alone, no one has to like them, read everything, or agree with me. This is for those who are like me, and not like the others. **