Apathy vs Being Overwhelmed
Does anyone else shut down when they're overwhelmed? I feel slammed with college (2nd semester of senior year and still not graduating until summer), manipulative parents who love making me feel worse, constant eating disorder relapses, a therapist who can't help anymore, no money for a dietitian, social anxiety, no job, no driver's license, no friends. I'm never anyone's first choice for anything.
I feel like I'll never do anything useful with my degree when I get out of school. I hate going home but am too anxious to live on campus. Clubs at our school meet at 10 pm on weekdays so I'm not allowed to join them. My parents treat me like a kid when I'm about to be 22 on Wednesday. Honestly I'm sick of them projecting their insecurities and need for control onto me. I'm sick of everyone thinking I'm dramatic when really no one listens unless I'm dramatic.
I'm tired of being overwhelmed to the point where my brain has just been shutting down each day. My anxiety has turned into depression again. I don't even want to leave my bedroom because I know my parents are going to try, from the second they know I'm awake, to make my life miserable. I do that well enough on my own.
Now I'm starting to not care about anything at all.
@Lexloveslife I had a similar issue with my parents with regards to control. The anxiety I was left with I was able to get rid of using emdr on the internet. There is no easy solution regarding your parents. It must be tougher in America without the social securities. My heart goes out to u! Xxx
@Scottishtiger
Thank you so much for your support
I can understand this.
In the late half of 2018 to the early half of 2019 (January to May) I experienced overwhelming feelings to the extreme. I recall spending many days crying over even the most trivial things. One thing would go wrong and I'd break down and spend the rest of the day in tears. Then I lost my friends due to being considered a burden, and that's when it got even worse. I'd spend a lot of time shaking, fatigued, and emotionally hanging by a thread.
And suddenly, after all those anxious moments, after all the crying and screaming, I felt like I was drowning in emptiness. I spend a lot of time feeling empty now. Distant. Sad. I always feel as if something is missing, like I need something desperately but I don't know how to get it. Hearing and watching everyone smile and be happy and laugh only makes me feel like something is wrong with me. It's so difficult to explain to others what this really is as I'm usually simply told to just "Say hello and make a friend" as if it is that easy. It's not.
You must be having a hard time dealing with helicopter parents. Although I am not in the same situation, I can certainly empathize with a lack of freedom and the feeling of being trapped. Take it one day at a time and do your best to hold on. Remember that there is always an opportunity to get away. It'll take hard work, but consider your parents' treatment of you your motivation. Earn and save money and build your credit score so that you can be eligible for renting an apartment, do whatever you can to get your permit...helicopter parents mean nothing once you've achieved financial independence and are no longer under their roof. By then they can no longer command you, not unless you allow them to. Be strong and don't give up.
@EmptyBunny18
Thank you! I'm working on financial independence as best as I can while being a full time student. It's coming along very slowly but surely.
