Apathy won't allow it
So I'm realizing that I have this thing that's very wrong with me that I believe has to do somewhat with depression.
I have very little mental/emotional energy to interact with people. It's like...when I think about making friends online, or stiking up conversations with others, my mind just goes into 'apathy' mode and says "it's too hard, it will just be a wasted effort."
I have always had problems making friends and I never knew why. There have been several instances where friends have abandoned me. Could this have created some self preservation mechanism in me? Could I have gotten so tired of trying to make friends and failing most of the time that I just stopped altogether? Could this even play a part in my depression and lack of self worth? Who knows? Either way, it's hard when you want to be social but don't have the energy to connect with people.
Hello, @mimameid
Apathy can often be a symptom of depression.
It is not being able to feel emotions, not having passions, interests and concern, it seems like being emotionally dead. Apathy is not being able to care about anything, and I believe that at it's worst you're not able to care about your mental wellbeing or similar. It can be present with other symptoms of depression of course, which is, as you say, a lack of energy.
I'm currently experiencing apathy. The "levels" of apathy, its severity can vary, and it depends on what mental disorder you may suffer from (and it's definitely a severe symptom of some obvious problem --- I'm talking in general).
I think that I've reached the rock bottom, but I can't seem to care, which is, I know, awful, but it's improving after some time.
Maybe thinking that "it's too hard" when you want to communicate with people comes from your feelings of maybe, low self-esteem, because you may feel like you maybe won't be good enough in participating ? Sorry if I'm wrong, but that's the first possibility.
The second one is, like you said, you just don't have energy. To live, to feel, to think properly. Again, sorry if I'm wrong, this is just how it seems to me and I might be wrong, but I'm trying to share what I was experiencing because it might help.
Sometimes, there are some irrational thoughts that are stopping us from doing things, some thoughts that we really, really believe in, and then they make us dysfunctional.
You just seem exhausted from living and I'm very sorry to see that.
I hope that you're getting the right treatment.
How can I help you, how did I start feeling a bit, just a tiny bit better when it comes to not being able to feel ?
- trying to stop feeding my irrational thoughts, recognizing them and trying my hardest to change them into rational ones. Depression doesn't magically go away when you start thinking a bit more rationally, but it can help you cope a lot. I don't say that it's easy, but if you have enough energy, even if you have that one special hour of the day where your depression isn't as strong as usual, then grab that moment and try to use it on some way that can benefit your mental health.
- engaging in activities that normal people do -- trying to take care of yourself, for example. Generally, imagining how would a normal person function like and trying your hardest to do it. This is the most focused on the outside, not on the inside. Of course, on the inside too, but I know that when you're depressed, you mentally won't be able to do much. But mental exercise can help, and no, I'm again saying, it's not easy.
- letting it go. and by this, i mean being in the moment, trying to experience things around you. That helped me feel even a tiny bit. Example: okay, here's a good song on the radio while I'm driving. I'll try to fake happiness, singing, and then I somehow feel some tiny, tiny, tiniest pleasure in doing that. "Fake it 'til you make it", right ? That's basically the only thing we can do at this kind of situation.
I'm absolutely sorry if I got you completely wrong, but I'm trying to help, and also maybe this post can help someone else cope if it doesn't help you.
Wish you the best and yes, we will be able to feel again, it takes time, but also a lot of effort, both mental and physical.
And therapy! Therapy can help a lot. Pharmacotherapy and psychotherapy combined.
YourBestFriend
@YourBestFriend
You got a lot of it right, it's okay :)
Actually, the reason for my nonengagement with people is a little of both of what you suggested. It's mostly me just not feeling up to taking with others. Because I hate small talk, because what if I end up saying something annoying? What if there are awkward silences? It could just be that I am too weary to engage with people because a lot of my efforts in the past were wasted, so why bother trying again?
Now that's not to say I completely cut others off. I can be very engaging and friendly with others, able to make friends if I want to, but it's just not to the same amount as most other people. I'm more careful. I guess. Bit sometimes maybe I'm too careful?
Online is a nightmare though. Like how do people make friends online? I tend to just end up lurking around until someone decides to talk to me, which is rarely.
Lol therapy. Thanks for the suggestion but im a poor person who can't afford that. Why do you think I even come to this website?
@mimameid
I get where you're coming from. I'm the same. It takes alot of mental effort to stike up a conversation with someone new and sometimes they don't get you at all so it's wasted effort. I'm an introvert and find it really hard to find any energy to try and make new friends, because I'm not big on small talk and don't seemt o fit in anywhere. I could really use a new friend or two as I only have two real life actual friends, one moved away so that leaves one and understandably they've got their own lives too and both of them don't struggle for other friendships so I'm on my own a lot.
It would be so much easier if people could skip small talk and get into real conversations lol
@Redphoenix13
Right? Small talk always feels awkward to me, like a forced, unnatural thing. When I want to make friends and get to know someone, it's a whole lot easier to do it when you have found something in common to talk about.