Betrayal, anger, depression, demise
I am struggling with betrayal by a trusted friend. Who consequently no longer deserves to hold such a sacred label. I cannot seem to process the understanding of why such actions were taken, but I am quickly learning that understanding is useless and acceptance must take its place. I am being told that forgiveness is needed, but this action is not synonymous with acceptance. I may choose to accept, but may never forgive. Lack of forgiveness will be my fuel for a lifetime of unfathomable hatred. I am at a crossroads of extreme emotion. I think I have begun to move past the depression and am rounding the corner to severe hatred and destruction. I cannot seem to control these emotions. They are the driving force behind my insomnia, mood swings, and distraction. Yet, I am also struggling with not allowing the person the satisfaction of the proverbial feather ruffling. So now where do I go from here? Back to depression? Forward to extreme anger and destruction? Or do I mask these feelings with ignorance and bliss? I am caught in a tornado of my own lack of control!
I'm sorry you are struggling with betrayal. You seem to be very insightful to already know that acceptance is important, and that it is not the same as forgiveness.
As you so brilliantly put, ''Lack of forgiveness will be my fuel for a lifetime of unfathomable hatred'' Forgiving someone is mostly important for ourselves. Without forgiveness, we can't possibly find peace, and without peace we'd just run in circles all the time, not going anywhere.
I say you go forward, but not into hatred. Try to find it in your heart to forgive the person you're mad at, not for them, for you. It doesn't matter if the person deserves forgiveness or not. You deserve peace.