Bit of rant…

I typically struggle with anxiety of many kinds, but depression pops up occasionally too. Mostly I’ve struggled with social anxiety which leads to isolation and loneliness. But more recently I’ve had a different kind of depression I think. For one thing I’m definitely not satisfied with my job. There’s a ton of different roles you can do in my current career field, but I don’t like my current one, and the prospect of finding something new leaves me feeling like I don’t want any of those roles. I’m at a LOSS for what I actually want though. Sometimes I feel I need a complete overhaul. Like I don’t even like this way of life anymore. It’s sort of this chronic existential dissatisfaction..? Like I want to live in a completely different way.. outside of these oppressive norms. I try to find my own healing way with spiritual tools, but it sometimes gets even more confusing. Like I meditate, I use sound healing, I try so many damn things. But I hit a wall whichever way I go because I think it’s too scary to truly face that your life isn’t where you want it to be and it needs to be completely turned on its head? Anyway this depression keeps creeping up. And it’s uncomfortable so I’m noticing that I find any method of escaping it; drinking some coffee, watching tv, keeping busy, drinking some wine, and if keeps coming back. A couple months ago it was so bad that I completely broke down. Which is so unlike me. Anyway I just wanted to share this.

-Lost Human