Confused

i really hope that someone else feels the way i do. i was diagnosed with depression when i was 12. when i was 15, i got off the bus, and i zoned out. please know what i mean when i say zone out. its the feeling when you leave your body, and you have to kindazone in again. anyway, so i zoned out, but i never zoned back in. i thought that i was going to die walking home from school, honestly. it feels like i'm literally always in a dream. i dont feel like i have a conscience anymore. the only problem i have with this also, is the fact that im now 20 and this has gone undiagnosed/untreated for a really long time. i've done brief looking-up of things, but i really just want to know if anyone can help me. i really need to zone back in. i hate not feeling anything, its fucking awful. waking up with nothing to look forward to; i cant even feel time pass anymore. its like my "soul" or whatever backed up away from my body and is just hovering behind it.