DO YOU USUALLY INVALIDATE YOUR SUFFERING?

"I shouldn't feel this way", "I need to forget about it, it's a very small thing", "it wasn't so-and-so's intention, I can't be sad/angry about it", "there are people with worse problems", " if I say something I can generate some conflict", "I have to let it go, I don't know why I keep feeling like this…"

Have you ever repeated phrases like these to yourself? They seem innocent, but they refer to a very common reasoning of those who tend to invalidate their own feelings and, obviously, themselves.

We often don't realize it, but these repetitions speak volumes about how we see ourselves and how we deal with our emotions. When we keep repeating that what we are feeling is something that is not worth it, that it is small and unimportant, we place our perception of the world as inferior, inadequate.

But it is worth remembering that this perception does not come from nowhere, our formation as a subject is greatly influenced at the beginning of our life by parents and/or caregivers. Those who were in this care role did not always have emotional conditions to lead situations in which we needed support instead of judgments and punishment. With this, sometimes without even realizing it, many parents/caregivers disqualified or censored their children/children's feelings, reinforcing in them the feeling that their needs and emotions were not valid.

In adulthood, then, all this ends up manifesting itself as a repression of feelings, being driven by phrases that make us believe that everything we feel is not worth it and that we are exaggerating. When in fact what would really help us is not to overlook and want to make these emotions invisible, but to embrace them.

One way to do this is to recognize that there is no way to better deal with our problems and suffering without embracing them. Understanding that what affects us is important to us and talking about our needs is a fundamental step in validating our feelings.

Repressing and trying to dodge our emotions and pain only gives us the increasingly frequent feeling that the problem has snowballed or seems bigger than we can handle.

Making a movement against this is not easy, as it was already part of our entire constitution as subjects. But it is possible to transform this way of dealing with our issues by taking care of our mental health and detaching ourselves from rigid and inferior images that we form about ourselves.

Seeking professional help such as psychotherapy can provide a space of trust and care that allows us to access our vulnerabilities without being judged. And it helps us to approach and work on facts that were remarkable and difficult in our history. As well as what we can do from now on. And that involves connecting with unpleasant emotions but also finding ways to deal with them that aren't belittling or blaming.

Giving the opportunity to listen and welcome your pain is, finally, recognizing that your needs and feelings should no longer be invalidated and that they are important, as they talk about you and your way of dealing with the world. Recognizing your emotions, giving a name, allowing yourself to feel and share your pain is one of the paths to this self-care process, which can impact your quality of life and your relationships.