Depressed and Empty
My girlfriend and I have been having conflicts and decided to take a break. The purpose is to take care of ourselves and have some time to think about what we can do to feel better individually. I'm finding it impossible to work on myself. I have no energy, motivation, inspiration, and nothing seems to work. My computer is broken and I can't take a bath because there's no plug. Music is just irritating, so it hasn't been helping. I don't know what to do. I'm just laying in bed thinking about how she promised she was going to take the time to join support groups, work out, and clean up her apartment. I feel like a hypocrite.
@FoggySeas
So sorry to hear you're in this tough place right now.
@FoggySeas,
I'm sorry to hear this times after you and your girlfriend decided to take a break is so hard on you. However, I can understand that it is tough to work on yourself when you don't have any energy, motivation, and inspiration to do so.
May I ask what things you already tried to work on yourself and why they didn't work?
One thing you might want to try is setting goals and working towards achieving them. Setting goals may help you to work on yourself and learn some things about yourself while moving in the direction you want to go.
An important thing about goals is to have S.M.A.R.T. goals:
S = Specific
Great goals are well-defined and focused.
A specific goal has a much greater chance of being accomplished than a general goal. Things to consider are the people that are involved, what should be accomplished, what is the purpose or the benefits of accomplishing the goal and which steps need to be taken to achieve the goal.
M = Measurable
Goals should be measurable so that you have tangible evidence that you have accomplished the goal. There are often several short-term measurements built into the goal.
When you measure your progress, you stay on track, reach your target dates, and experience the exhilaration of achievement that spurs you on to continued effort required to reach your goal.
A = Achievable
Consider the resources needed and set a realistic goal.
Goals should be achievable.
They should stretch you some so you feel challenged, but defined well enough so that you can achieve them.
R = Relevant
A goal must represent an objective toward which you are both willing and able to work. A goal can be both high and realistic; you are the only one who can decide just how high your goal should be. But be sure that every goal represents substantial progress in your mission.
T = Timely
A goal should be grounded within a time frame. With no time frame tied to it, there
@FoggySeas
Hello! It seems you are having a really hard time right now with everything going on. A lot of our thoughts impact our feelings, which cause us to do certain actions. I want to show you a tactic that I have learned in therapy, and has helped quite a lot in my life.
It's called Cognitive-Behavioral Therapy, or as I like to just call it, a mood triangle. View a triangle, or you can draw one yourself. The top point is thoughts, this is where your thoughts go. The left, lower point can be actions. Then the right, lower point can be feelings.
How this works, is that you write your thoughts on top. I'll use my own examples. My thoughts are that I am worth nothing, and that I will always be alone. I am never good enough. So, then I think, "well, how do those thoughts make me feel?" And knowing myself, they'd probably make me feel depressed and worthless. And like before, I now ask myself, "How will I react to those feelings?" I'd probably react by isolating myself and laying in bed all day. Isolating myself and staying in bed may revert me back to those same thoughts, which end up being a never-ending cycle. So, here is how my triangle should look:
Now that we have a completed triangle, I want you to see how each element has an affect on each other. Let's see how we can change those thoughts. Why do I feel like I am nothing and that I will always be alone? Well, maybe it was because my friends are very busy with something else, and don't have time to hang out with me currently. So let's replace the "I'm nothing!" and "I will always be alone" with, "My friends are busy and cannot help it." Having this thought, how would that change my feelings? Well, maybe now I might feel not so much depressed, but maybe just a little annoyed and that I miss them. How could I change my actions now? I could call them and leave a message, communicate my feelings about how I miss them and would like to hang out whenever they have time. Let's have a look now:
After reevaluating my thoughts, I might feel a bit better! It takes a lot of practice getting used to this, but I want you to try this out with your thoughts with what is happening in your life right now (:
@TheSpiritGuardianOri also gave a great tactic that is fantastic to use at any point when you are down in life. I highly recommend her SMART goals.
I hope you feel better very soon, and things get better. <3