Depressed and confused
I have this friend. Or I should say more then a friend. Me and him both have feeling towards eachother but have never dated and things are beyond complicated. I've known him for 2 or so years and from the very start, he has loved me and expressed a deep liking towards me. And at first I didn't like him, but now I can confidently say I love him. We go through period of happiness where we talk everyday and make eachother happy. And then sad depressing periods where we argue, and he leaves. Each time has gotten worse and worse and he leaves for longer amounts of time, but every time he comes back I'm happy aha. And it's like nothing ever went wrong. Each time he leaves, I get worse and worse mentally and I am empty now. I struggle with a lot of anxiety and depression, insomnia and self harm. I don't want to blame him for it all, but the whole experience with him has pushed me to a point. I care for him deeply, but this whole relationship just seems unhealthy and mentally abusive. I try and leave this whole thing behind and move on, but I can't. I can't seem to forget him or move on to make myself happy. I'm only 16 and I feel like life shouldn't be like this. I want desperately to be happy and find love, but this whole complicated relationship holds me back and I can't seem to escape it. I'm lost and don't know what to do
Where can i find Medication assisted treatment and what are the benefit for Mat treatment ?
It seems to me you are in a not very sane relationship with him. I understand how hard it can be to let go of people, but you are right when you say you shoud maybe let him go. It is bad for yourself. Does the good times are worth the very bad ones ? And maybe the bad ones are starting to throw some shadows on the one ?
If you feel it is hard to just cut all links with him, maybe you should try to distance yourself slowly, to allow you to breath and judge the situation, without being on the spot. You need space to think and see. Try to do things for yourself and not for the two of you. Create time and space only for you and you might see there is indeed a future when you can live without him and even enjoy it.
A important thing to keep in mind is relationships are sometimes almost like drugs : addictive. So your mind is fixed on the person, you miss them, and it is very hard at first. and that's why time is important : if you feel you can't do it at first, don't forget it can be easier with time.
Also, you are not alone. What I mean is even if you leave him, it does not mean you will be alone for ever, or that no one care about you. You have familly, friends and so many other people you could meet, care about, be closed to, ... He is not the sole person who can be there for you. Don't let it stop you.
I hope it helped a little. Don't forget it is not your fault and you should think of youself !
(sorry if there are mistakes : english is not my native language)