Depression and friendships
This is gonna be my first post so I'm a bit nervous.
I'm going through some bad depression right now and I have no idea how to communicate with people that love me. I am used to keeping people at a distance but I recently became really close with a friend. She is absolutely amazing and I love her, and we talk every day. She always wants to help me and be there for me. Normally that feels great, right now it feels suffocating and terrifying.
I feel so depressed right now that it makes me want to isolate myself. I feel so sad and tired and like I am the worst person on the planet. I'm convinced I will eventually fuck up this friendship. She has told me that it's really important to her to know how I'm doing and that she wants to help me, but I feel like such a burden. I feel so guilty for being depressed. I know it kills her to see me like this. I have no idea how to be friends with someone when I'm like this. I don't want to just overwhelm her with my feelings, but at the same time there is nothing else that I can talk about right now.
I'm terrified to lose her. I'm terrified that I'm gonna hurt her. I'm terrified of so many things. I feel like I'm not myself. Depression is hard enough, but now there is this other person involved I just feel so guilty all the time.
Does anyone have any idea how to deal with these feelings? I want to be a good friend to her but I don't know if I can.
@Sugaredyoongi
Wow, it almost sounds like this friend is going through her own issues and might be using you to fix themselves in some ways. Honestly, when I was BAD I use to destroy friendships on purpose, so I did spend a lot of time alone to reflect and was able to put myself back out there when I got ready enough not to do that again. Being alone has been really good for me, and I still take long breaks from the friendships I DO have without worry. There's always gonna be more folks around to strike up friendships with when you feel ready and able to. Give yourself permission to not be worried about this friendship knowing there will be many other beautiful relationships in the road ahead.