Depression hit me late...

Hi guys and girls I'm just posting this just to get it off my chest, it all started in primary school, first I was taunted about wearing glasses, then I got the nickname milkybar kid, obviously this was just kids trying to impress others as usual.
Then we move to secondary school picked on for my size and my glasses - I kinda had harry potter sized so i changed them to try fit in, this didn't work, I tried to hang with the right people and got pulled into some of the wrong ones - ended in me getting bullied. Four years this lasted but still it didn't hurt me, then the girls came into the picture, all the older ones thought I was cute and I got hugs from them, but people from my own year totally different matter. Lied and led on by girls, I went home most days stuck on the Nintendo or whatever I owned and got on with it, didn't care much for school work, guess I didn't want to be there... When school ended and last day of school came it happened again, a girl asked me out and stood me up - guessing last day of seeing her was a good prank for her to pull, so I went home and thanked god it was over no more school BS to deal with.
College was the next thing in line, so I'm still into computers playing online games or whatever and I meet someone online but as usual things don't work out. (Continue that later) During college I meet a lot of new people, few of us hung out and whatever and then one day everything went blank... until I was hit on the head with a plastic bottle.. baring in mind this was only plastic everyone else laughing away and I just snapped everything came out, I grabbed the bottle went over to the guy who threw it and starting smashing it into his head bottle cap first, it wasn't brutal but I managed to make him bleed and after that I smiled like I just killed someone or whatever.
This girl I met online went along for a few months, i found out she had a son, I found out she got hit by him a lot, I couldn't do anything so I left it at that, I even stopped playing the game we met on.
Few years past and some girl messages me that went my college, she said she wanted to hang out and chill, so we kept making arrangements to meet... however It happened again stood up this happened 3 times before she finally showed up, reason was she couldn't get away from her bf so she was cheating on him with me so, bye bye not happening...
I just started work maybe couple months after this happen so basically little gaming and pretty much no one to talk to about stuff - college peeps all fudged off to uni or whatever so I stuck my head in work.
Six years ago today one of my old primary school girl friends popped back up in my life and started chatting to me out the blue, had a small crush on her when I was there but I was shy, anyway so we get to talking again and hang out few times, even walked her home from work, just for company and then I asked her if she wanted a relationship or was in one. Her actual words were "I'm not into anything anymore I'm A sexual"... I was just like ok I don't really want to know why and just left it as that.. if it was me why cant people be straight up and blunt. As you can tell the friendship also went out the window.

After this girl went in and out my life another 2 happened one I was led on by and then the next was surprise surprise a sexual again so I just give up.

This next part is my health - six to seven years ago I was told I was in AF - Atrial Fibrillation - In AF the heart rate is irregular and can sometimes be very fast. In some cases, it can be considerably higher than 100 beats a minute. Lets just say mine was over 150+.. doctors were surprised I wasn't dead with my heart at that speed constantly. Within the last month is when I told this last girl I liked her.. now before this I cared for her in a way just to help her round house or whatever, then we kissed twice, this is when I stopped sleeping well and started thinking about her more and wanted to be around her. Now I asked her why we kissed twice if she wasn't planning anything she told me that she didn't know what to expect or reaction.

Cant type no more just thinking about this stuff making me hot and bothered and its the reason I'm not sleeping properly i just had to get it off my chest.