Depression sucks the happy from everything

Hey.. so a bit about my story. I've had depression since I was 14 and I am borderline bipolar. I was sexually abused when I was 7 and I am currently going through the process with the police to have it dealt with. It's difficult and frustrating and I really don't think people understand how I feel. Me and my boyfriend of 3 years have now broken up as he can't deal with how miserable everything has made me. All I can feel is that he is being selfish and won't even try to understand my feelings. His mum has put all the words in his mouth for him to say and it's frustrating. I just want all these horrible feelings to go away. I have medication I just feel like it's absent in helping me cope. I feel like all my energy has been taken from me and I'm struggling to find reasons to keep strong. I go to Uni and have a placement coming up but I don't even want to do that anymore as feel I will make it all wrong. I want to start going to the gym and arranged to meet with a personal trainer but again I just don't care if I'm fat anymore. I want nothing more than to be cuddled until it all goes away. 2014 was a year of unhappiness and a constant battle dealing with a series of horrible things. I want 2015 to be better and have emailed to get counselling again as feel this may help. I just want to be better. I'm sorry for rambling I just feel like this helps loading off everything. Thank you for taking time for me.