Diagnosed with depression and nobody understands.
Hi everyone. Let me start from the beginning.
About 2 years agoi was suffering with self harm. I got giventherapy but lied to them by saying i hadn't self harmed again when really i just covered it up because i didn't want to go. So i was discharged and continued to self harm.
Then in Jan '13 i met my now boyfriend who helped me realise that i didn't deserve the harm that i was inflicting on myself and within a few months i managed to stop completely.
However, for AT LEAST 6 months i have been feeling anything but myself. I have 0% self esteem, my sleep is fucked up, i'm always on the verge of crying and i am just not happy with my life or my self. So on Monday i took myself to the doctors and he said that have depression.
The only problem is that my parents don't understand and seem to think that i can just change this myself, the doctor has referred me back to therapy which i don't like and my boyfriend hates seeing me sad and doesn't understand that i cant help it. So, although all of these people support me i still feel trapped. I feel as though nobody understands that i see nothing good in life, yet everyday i smile and make others laugh because i want them to be happy. It's so exhausting.
I really connect with the part where you make other people really happy but you yourself aren't. It's very easy for me to be a great source of support for other people, but when it comes to my own depression i just don't believe the things i'm telling other people. What sometimes helps is to have the mentality that just because i don't believe something, doesn't mean it's not a fact.
I used to hate therapy too, I always put up walls and always dreaded going. But then I switched therapists and had a completely different experience. Part of that was being self-motivated and forcing myself to think of my therapist as more of a trusted friend. Maybe try a different therapist this time? Remember, they're here to help YOU. If they're not giving you what you need support-wise, change therapists.
As for the self-esteem: you are wonderful in your own way. You are amazingly talented. You're not a burden on those who support you. The universe is so lucky to have you in it. Tell yourself these things over and over until you believe them.
I'm proud of you for coming as far as you have.
Thank you. I will try to use your advice.
A lot of people do not understand that depression is in part a chemical inbalancein the brain. It isn't jsut something that we can "get over". That can be pretty frustrating. One of the annoying parts for me is that I do not show emotion on my face, at least until it is a very extreme emotion. It took me years to figure this out, but when I'm dealing with this it makes dealing with peoplepretty damn tough.
I am really sorry you feel this way. Depression is well know nowadays but sometimes it feels only psychologists really know about it. And those who feel it of course. At times those around us seem clueless as to how difficult it is to cope with such a distress. People tells us to act, stop being passive, start making changes, be positive, or just feel better and stop complaining, that nobody is really happy and to just move on! Of course some people never even experienced anything close to depression in their lives, and good for them. Reality isn't the same for all though and you know the truth, don't ever doubt what you feel is real and needs to be validated. I do hope you get the help you need and I wish you all the nest.
Hello Leoni,
I finished writing a response and then the computer suddenly erased it. Depression is something Millions of people suffer through worldwide. There are a lot of things that could cause someone to feel this way including traumatic experiences, poor self image, and even loss; nonetheless, it genuinely leaves you feeling confused, distant, and even at times apathetic.
One thing is for certain though, however you might be feeling right now, you're not alone in this.
I hope you've taken advantage of our 7 Cups of Tea Depression Course offered to people going through Depression: https://www.7cups.com/depression-help-online/
You can also visit the Depression 1 chatroom in our Group Support Section, where you can talk to others going through Depression.
Nobody deserves to be alone in this. I hope you stay in contact with as much support as you can, including a psych who will help you work through all of this.
Stay Strong beloved.
~ Shane Minor
