Don't understand why I feel this way
I got my first panic attack in the middle of the night when I was 15. I woke up unable to breath. I don?t even think I fully knew what a panic attack was at that point. In the coming months, I had one more while in class that sent me to the hospital. For the next five years or so I only had one maybe two per year. In the last 4 years, I have had upwards of 8-10 in a year. Some have been caused by drinking (nights of heavy alcohol use), others by the accumulation of stress, worry, feelings of being anxious etc. During this time I also noticed I would go days, sometimes weeks feeling down and not myself. Sometimes I would not want to hang out with anyone, talk to anyone, really not do much. It wouldn?t be a 24/7 thing. It would be up and down different days or different times during the day. I found my mood to change in the sense that I would snap at someone, feeling angry or frustrated. Never extreme, just slight mood swings. Over the past month or so, I have felt a lot of stress, have felt down, disconnected with my life. I was in the process of moving, quitting a job I loved and starting a new job-all in a 1 week span. All those plus other responsibilities wore me out. I remember one day a little over a week ago where I woke up and instantly felt upset and on the verge of tears. I couldn?t figure out why. Last night, I was sitting in my room and starting feeling similar, on the verge of tears. It?s weird too because I have all these feelings and thoughts, and then I go to work and they all disappear. I think it must be because I just get busy and don?t have time to worry about my life. The disconnection is new for me. It?s like things are happening and I?m not thinking about it, I?m just there. Lately I have been feeling like I want to get away. Take a vacation, whether for a weekend or a few weeks. I just feel the need to escape. I?m tired of feeling so down. I want to be as happy as I was a couple months ago. I don?t understand how I can be unhappy; I have a job, home, family, friends, boyfriend, good health, etc. What is wrong with me?
I'm sorry to say that I don't have asolution for you. All I have issharedexperience. I thought my anxiety was cured untilyesterday. I had a horrible panic attack. Since then,I've been crying on and off,shaking, and just feeling so upset. I feel as if I'm being tornapart. I'm in a really good situation right now, so that means I should have no reason to be depressed and anxious. And yet, here I am, crying my eyes out for absolutely no reason. You are totally normal. Don't put yourself down for feeling bad even though you "should be happy."
Just to share my experience guys, it may work for you or it may not. My depression came when I lost my job, and I have two small children to take care of. I remember my wife and I just watching as my first born ate her dinner, as we can only afford one meal at that time. What I did was, I sought comfort to the thing I love.. Exercise. Whether playing sports, lifting weights, runnung , walking.. It helped me a bit in regards to; realizing that I could control the situation, hormones released after exercise helped me feel good, etc. Of course at that time, I was just doing it just to have something to do and take my mind off whatever it is I am depressed about. But in hindsight, I think that was what happened. Maybe the others could try doing what they love most, painting, singing, teaching, making music, making poems, whatever. As long as it takes your mind of the negative thoughts and makes you realize that you are in control. It's worth a try, in my case it worked.
I am on the same boat as you, I have been battling anxiety and panic attacks since I was about 14, so almost 10 years! Sometimes I think it would be best to just give up and die but I know its not the correct answer. It has been almost a month since my last panic attack and I used to have them almost every day!
There are a few exercises you can use to help control the panic and anxiety, they have helped out tremendously for me. They do not cure you by any means but it does help.
Take a look at anxiousreview.com
its a good read :) hope I was helpful and remember that you are not alone.
Darn I just discovered that all that breathlessness which bugged me before exams were panic attacks...Do you guys know how I can stop this?