Dumping grounds for everyone - How do you feel?
I started this thread because I couldn't find any that were just for general discussion for everyone. So I made my own. Here you are free to discuss your feelings, problems, and everything also, and maybe get some ideas/counseling from other members. I guess I'll go first.
*Deep breath*
I'm in sort of a tough position. I'm getting to that age where you have to start making decisions about your life, and I have nothing to go by. No interests, no ideas, no big passions. The only skills I had before are gone now and I haven't gained any new ones to replace them. My family doesn't really believe me about these things. I'm sort of the hidden black sheep. I'm atheist, asexual, wimpy, and don't question things much, while they're all straight, Christian, brave people who think I'm another one of them, just in denial.
So there's my story. Where's yours?
Crap. Complete crap. I'm tired all the time, and it's hard to manage my depression and suicidal thoughts. Everything is a weapon and I feel like I'm drowning. I have to pretend I'm happy but it's getting harder. I don't even wanna live anymore.
@notforshopping Have you tried talking to your family about this?
@AlphaPheonix4720 no but i try with my therapist or close friends. it gets better but then it all just goes back downhill. im losing too many people lately and im scared
I took a shower today, and I haven't been able to do that (without sitting on the floor of the bathroom for at least 2 hours and even then sitting on the floor of the shower and washing up from there) for about 2 weeks. I'm so proud. I know it's not very important, and I want to tell someone, but the one person I tried to tell just couldn't understand why this was so meaningful. I just want to say that I'm proud. If you haven't been able to do something for however long, I promise that you will be able to again. I promise.
@sillyLemons882 Thank you for putting this message on here. I hope it inspires many more people. I'm glad you're doing better!🤗😃👍🏻
I feel alone, unwanted, and useless. No matter what I do I never make friends and people irl just keep making fun of me or just flat out ignore me. Im sick of it. Ive slowly accepted nobody could like me for me but itd be nice if they could at least tolerate the person I try to be in public
@TheRealJakeD Maybe instead of trying to be someone else, be yourself and see what happens. I was like this when I was younger, but then a couple of angels came along and adopted me like a stray puppy. They nursed me through my depression and other problems. Maybe you'll find and angel too.
@AlphaPheonix4720 I thought that for a second. But no matter what everybody leaves me eventually because the real me comes out and the real me is intolerable
@TheRealJakeD That's what I used to think.
@AlphaPheonix4720 But things change
@TheRealJakeD
I promise you that you are not intolerable. You perhaps believe that because you have been told it often enough by others. You are totally unique and the billions of cells that make you will only ever configure in that way once, in you. So you are special, trust me i've had enough self hatred to last a lifetime and it has stemmed from external opinions that i have taken on board. I may only be one person but i think you're special!
I have. Let my depression cause me to make my so. Not talk to me right now and my wife of 19 years have an affair! I am worthless and a terrible human!
@oliveSpruce960
wife of 10 years
@oliveSpruce960 You are not worthless or terrible. People make mistakes. that's what happens in life. You just have to pick yourself up and move on.
I feel very... meh today. Like I neither feel hopeless or sad, but I also dont feel motivated or happy. I mean sure, I will grin and say hi or good morning to a coworker or the cashier at lunch or something, but it's just politeness. I'm just an empty shell today. Just going through the motions. It feels weird like an out of body experience. It's like playing a game in third person with a controller that has buttons that stick. I dont know about today at all; it just feels... off.
@SSalinas Yeah most people have days like that. Just gotta power through them, like pedaling up a long hot hill on a bike.
Tired of saying I'm ok when I'm not ok tired of the ups and downs and further feeling down and nothing helping.
@Reaperess Try talking to people who care about you. If they know, then maybe they can help.
I dont know that this is the right thread but something really bad happened when I was 5 with my dad. I can no longer remember much of anything anymore and I find it really hard to get out of bed at the slightest trigger. I havent left my room in three days and I hate myself more everyday that I stay here but the thought of doing anything incapacitated me. Im having crippling nightmares which only serve to trigger my depression and I cant continue functioning this way.
@conscientiousBanana3417 If you don't live alone (e.g with your family, mum, whatever), you can ask them to make you get out of bed and maybe if it takes you outside of your comfort zone enough it will expand said zone.
I had a 'bad day' today.
Bad days usually involve stimming. Self stimulation (i only learned about this last year). I have a tendency to stim when I'm anxious or depressed. Scratch down my arm or thigh till my skin is red, bumpy lines like little streaky tributaries. Hit myself on the head with things. Hit my head *against* things. Punching myself in the face. But not so hard to leave a mark. Just hard enough to feel something or distract me from spinning out.
All of it sounds really silly when I write it out. This is the first time I've ever written it out to an audience (if there even is one).
The most painful part about being depressed is the acute awareness of how 'silly' you're being.
I just felt especially trapped today. Tried to listen to music. Breathing apps. I like listening to Andrew Solomon's Ted Talks. Stretch. So much anxiety, jittery, can't effing think straight. But the thoughts wouldn't stop.
I wouldn't consider myself suicidal. But there are flashes in time when I look at something - or do something - mundane and they transform into something else.
- Cutting up my breakfast.
- Carrying hot coffee down the hallway.
- The tension of my exercise bands.
- The depth of the complex's pool.
- The density of my tabletop.
- The traffic on the road.
I get scared. Like I can't trust me to keep me safe.
I have many people around me and yet no one to really talk to. So I have to visualize myself comforting myself. (Voice in me says: you're pathetic). This depression is separate from me, it is not me, and when I'm through it (and it will come again), the world will have color again.
I try not to think of it in terms of 'I was doing so well!' - I hadn't stimmed in months. Now I'm stimming every few days. Slipping shouldn't negate the good days, right? I still had the good days, right? But sometimes the extreme lows are so extreme, that I'm standing at the bottom of this hole and I can't see the top.
I go in and out of these bouts. It's like ... I spiral and fall into this dark hole and I can't see the top. I don't know how deep I'm in. I don't know if I'll keep falling. And then, somehow, I wake up and I'm not in the hole. I have trouble even describing this hole. I can generally go on with my day. But I never know when I'll trip into it again.
I'm typing this whilst mostly corpus mentus, maybe 30% taken up by my anxiety/depression? I'm not spiralling anymore. (However one of my triggers is literally on the other side of this door ...) But now I'm feeling otherwise grounded. Was it the writing? Reading about other people? Dunno. (Voice says: we'll see how long this lasts). Yeah, we'll see.
@row036 I'm sorry I'm not really qualified to help with this problem, but there are quite a few other people on this forum who should be able to help you.
@AlphaPheonix4720 Another load of problems just got dumped on me. My friends have left/are leaving, it turns out I probably have Dependant Personality Disorder and Histrionic Personality Disorder as well, and I can't do anything to help myself.
Yo can someone try taggin people to get them on here? I only know @tinycactus
