Empty, angry, alienated

I dont understand why. Nothing is wrong in my life. But some time in the last few months I must have lost touch with myself. But that isnt really what it feels like.

What it really feels like is waking up, like Ive just come to earth for the first time, and I am this person for the first time, and I have access to all their memories, and Im familiar with all their friends and family members, but I dont know the person whose body Im inhabiting. I know their old interests and emotions, but I cant relate to them. I feel disjointed from my own past, as if its not even mine. I dont have any strong opinions or many hobbies. I feel like an empty shell. Im an animal, yes, but I dont know if I would call me human.

People close to me havent even noticed theres been a change, because Ive been working really hard to pretend, to act like nothing is different. I feel like Im playing a role, even with my partner, just so he doesnt know Im not me.

And just like my personality, my emotions are somehow missing. Like theyre locked up inside me somewhere, and I cant access that area. I feel nothing. I get angry really easily, which is out of character for me. This is how its been for several months. I feel out of control. I feel like I dont even know who I am. Im scared, and sometimes I have violent thoughts. Im looking into therapy, but I seriously cant afford it. Thats why Im here again. I dont know what else to do. I dont even know whats wrong :(