Envious for his fortune
So my wife's partner (we're poly) is also FTM transgender and is getting his top surgery tomorrow. I'm going to have to be the one who drives him and and from the appointment which is about a 2 hour drive out of state.
I'm insanely jealous because it is a $9,000 procedure he was only able to pay for because his brother came into inheritance recently.
I've tried to save several times for my own but life always happens. Either I get sick and am out of work, my car breaks down, my wife gets sick, we have to move, it literally never fails that SOMETHING eats at what tiny bit of savings I've managed to tuck away. I have nothing to gain from my family and I'm not eligible for a loan large enough to cover the procedure. The only place I can get it done where my insurance covers it is a place locally that is known for doing half-assed jobs.
So my options are either get a half-assed chest reconstruction because I'm too poor to afford anything else or just deal with hating my body.
Which you know, it's been decades of self-loathing already. What's a few more.
Forgot to add that the entire point of this post was how to fake being happy for him or how to push the envious feelings away in less than 24 hours.
@astuteScorpius I think it's alright to be a bit envious of this, I mean, this is something that you've wanted but has never worked out, and he's able to have it done just from lucky circumstances. To me that sounds pretty fair to feel bitter about!
On one hand, it's really nice for him, that he's going to be able to have this done! I mean, supporting our fellow trans friends is important, even if they're getting things that we're not.
But at the same time, it's hard to separate that happiness for him, and your own negative feelings about the situation. And that's not really your fault.
I'm assuming this might be a bit of a long drive together, do you think you might want to talk to him about it? I don't think there's anything wrong with expressing your frustrations, about how things always seem to get on the way, and that you're feeling envious that he's getting top surgery so easily. I think he'd probably understand, you know? He must know he's getting this easy. And maybe that way, instead of pushing it down or being fake, you get it out and can move on (at least for the time being).
And, I know that it seems like things just keep happening and keeping you from getting the surgery...but I'm sure there will come a time when it's possible :) you never know what could happen!
@TaranWanderer
We're here right now and yeah I'm extremely bitter about it. I'm trying to not think about it but thats pretty much impossible.
I'm not very good at separating my emotions and I'm pretty sure he knows I'm upset but at least I've got a cold to hide it