Feeling Hopeless
I feel lost and hopeless, and I don't know what else to do at this point. My social circles have all crumbled in recent months, and I have next to no support networks left. Most of my friends ignore me or reject me when I ask for them to hang out or do something, and the one friend that I had that I was comfortable reaching out to about my mental illness because frustrated with me and started pushing me away when I reached out. This was after she had told me I should open up because she wanted to help me.
I've tried going to meetups to make new friends, but have had no success so far. In two instances, I thought I had made friends with a coworker and someone from a support group I go to, and in both cases the friendship fell through. At this point I've been so alone for so long that I'm not sure I want to try anymore. Going out to socialize feels like an awful lot of effort for something that hasn't given any return. I just want to isolate. It's hard enough to find time for myself with everything else I have to deal with. I feel like no one wants to be my friend. I feel unlovable and worthless, and like all my efforts are wasted. I don't want to go back to my support group anymore because I feel like I don't belong there. I don't want to be a burden on anyone anymore.
@sincereOwl3901
yeah, I know what thats like. my best friend of eight years told me she wanted to help with my anxiety, but only made it worse, and when I told her she was hurting me, she got angry. she would get offended when I didnt feel comfortable going to her with my problems, yet when I almost hurt myself, she got angry and tried to leave me. then when I agreed that we should spend time apart, she got mad at me for that. the friendship fell apart. since then, her sister (my other best friend) started avoiding me, and I caught feelings for another friend, which made them uncomfortable, and that fell apart too.
but what I have learned from that is that it says nothing about me and a lot about them. you are not a burden for reaching out. you are not annoying or irritating. the people who get angry with someone for needing help are usually also the ones that need help. thats a messed up thing to do. you should feel safe, and loved, and you should know that you matter and your feelings are valid and they count. its perfectly reasonable and ok to feel like this. but it doesnt mean you arent worthy of help.
youll find someone in your real life who understands and who really cares. someone who makes you feel loved and wanted. that feeling of being a burden might not go away just from finding someone who cares. I still have one close friend left, and he willingly helps me every single day. hes always checking in when he thinks Im not ok. he found out about the dark hallway I eat lunch in and realized it must get lonely, and ever since hes been inviting me to eat lunch with him as often as possible. and I know that he does that willingly, because he cares. yet I still feel annoying, and like a burden to him. i havent even told him I got diagnosed with depression, because he has to deal with my anxiety.
but what you and I still have to wrap our heads around is that the people who really care would go to the end so of the earth to help us feel okay. theyre not there because its polite, theyre not there because they have to be, theyre there because they want to be. they want to help us carry the weight because no one should have to carry the weight alone. theyre there because they care about us.
you will find someone outside of 7cups who will help you realize this. but until you do, you have me. you are not alone in this and youre important to me. you belong here.
@Jisola
I don't know how I would ever be able to trust anyone again. I spent literal years helping my best friend deal with her problems, and when I go to her for help with mine she gets angry with me. I don
@sincereOwl3901
First of all, is she really worth putting effort into? Do you really have faith in this relationship? Is she really your friend? It's up to you to make that choice. But I left my best friend, and I feel much better not being in her control. Imagine for a moment you no longer had her. How would your life be different? Would it be better, or would it be worse?
Do you get anything out of the relationship? Are you able to have fun with her anymore? What exactly does she give you? Can you think of anything?
I think the first step to learning to trust again is letting go of toxic people. Once you are free of them, it will be easier to accept that there are still kind people in this world. Be as open as you feel comfortable with, don't push your limits too far. Try sharing a little bit more at a time. Test the waters. Find someone to help you. Ease them into it. Share just a little bit of your feelings, or just give little hints. If they respond well to that, share a little more.
You don't have to do this alone.
@Jisola
You're right, I don't really get anything from this friendship anymore. I don't enjoy spending time with her anymore. She's not my friend anymore, nor are many of the people I thought I could count as friends. I have cut contact with a lot of the toxic people in my life. And I think I'm better off for it. But the loneliness is crushing at times.
It will be difficult, but you're right that I do need to keep trying, even though I don't really want to. There are still good people out there, I just need to find them. Being vulnerable will be difficult, but maybe it will be easier if I try in small doses like you suggest. Thank you for your responses, I appreciate your insights.
@sincereOwl3901
I wish you the best of luck on your journey. 💜💜💜
@sincereOwl3901 Your not a burden. People have serious issues with there finances,children etc.So your not a burden, I live out in country with no friends and no place to go, My wife left a handsom and spiritual man because she thought the grass might be greener on th other side, But it never is when you carry baggage with you.. Look my quetion is is there something you may have changed about your self development in a very positive way rescently. Did you do something different? If so its a new path that is being created in front of you. New doors are about to open but you have to be ready with a positive outlook. Think positive and glow each day with expectations a new door is about to open with new friends and new opportunities. In the shower every morning be thankful for whats about to come into your life and smile with confidence. Move slow, move slow. It will happen,,I understand the lonleyness. I can neither go out around women, hug someone, or cry on anyones shoulders, Because of her choice to leave. I have to just take it for now till I have custody of my heart again.. No family around me..Its hard... But this has ONLY COME TO PASS.. for you and I. The storm will go away and the sun will shine.. Imprtant thing to do is not give up because that very meetup group you give up on...I may be there and need a friend
@sincereOwl3901
I understand and see the same things happening with people I know. I cant even imagine how they dont even bother to resrarch a little so they can find out about depression. Uts like they use us to look like they are so kind in front of their family friends or mate. But inreality they are disrespectful, and we allow it. They make it worse by damaging our dignity.
