Feeling Numb and Isolated

Hey all,

So back in January, my family and I suffered a house fire. Luckily, everyone was okay, and the house didn't completely burn down, but it went through severe smoke and water (from the fireman) damage, requiring a complete remodel of the interior.

While we waited for the house to be redone, our insurance company put myself, my mom, my grandparents, my older brother, his girlfriend, their newborn baby, and our 2 dogs in this 3 bedroom apartment.

Obviously, it's now August and we aren't any closer to moving back in. The house has been completely gutted out on the inside, and no progress has been made in the past month (I won't get too much into that drama).

On too of all of this, the COVID-19 pandemic hit. I've been feeling very overwhelmed being in such close quarters with my family. I honestly have no privacy. I share a room with my mom, the walls are so paper thin that my brother's room right next to mine can hear everything coming from my room and vise versa, and we are all living on one floor so there is just so escape to any kind of personal sanctuary like I had in my bedroom at home.

Everything in our house got placed in storage and we are still trying to figure out how to go to the storage place to look through what's there. But right now, I don't have any of my personal belongings (besides what was at my dorm at school since the fire happened during my winter break). I don't have my posters, letters and things from my close friends, my guitar that I used to play sometimes, or anything sentimental or entertaining that I kept that made me happy. I know they may seem like just things, but they were a part of my life, pieces of who I am, that I no longer have and don't know when I'll get back. It makes me feel empty.

As I sit here in this empty all white bedroom with nothing but a plastic storage bin filled with my clothes, and a small nightstand holding my laptop, perfume, and a notebook, I just feel numb. I thought the quarantine made me feel utterly miserable, but I've come to realize it's my home that I truly miss. I feel like I've let myself go because I've lost part of who I am and what made me, me. My room was MY space. Quarantine has been hard enough, but imagine not even having your own home, your own bed to keep you company.

I feel so alone because I don't think anyone understands just how depressed and alone I feel. I miss my town, my friends, and the place I called home. I miss my backyard, the park down the block, and being able to look out my window at the stars at night.

I go back to school next month, and while I will be moving into an apartment style dorm with my own bedroom, it still won't feel the same. Last year, I would go home some weekends just because I missed home. But I feel like I've lost that and don't know when I'll get it back.

I'm not sure if anyone will be able to relate to this or help me, but I just needed to let it out. I'm hoping we can go back home soon, but it kills me inside so much losing that. It's a pain I truly won't get over until I am back. I just feel so numb, like I have nothing to look forward to, nothing to get excited over, and like nothing makes me happy. I don't know who I am anymore, and this pandemic just makes me feel worse and even less like myself. I have no motivation, no feeling left.
But what can I do except hope things will get better, which I am starting to doubt they ever will.