Feeling completely lost

Hi I'm mainly just using this as a way to vent to vent so apologies in advance if it's a bit all over the place

This year I've been feeling incredibly negative, which is strange since it's actually been a very good year generally speaking, I got into the university I wanted to and made some amazing friends there, but in all honesty it's probably been the hardest year of my life emotionally. I'm constantly having panic attacks and massive waves of depression and I have no idea why. It's gotten so bad that I can't actually talk to my friends (both new and old) in person properly unless I've either taken a big handful of kalms tablets (even though I know they do nothing) or we're going out drinking. I'm quite good at hiding this as I normally just talk to my friends online or we're too busy working to really talk properly unless we are out. I've started drinking more recently when I've been out aswell, I do it to enjoy myself but it often leads to me doing something I regret then that just adds more fuel onto my already common panic attacks. I've also felt completely lost as a person, not really knowing who I am or the point of me being here, I tried to do some proper inner soul searching but it's just lead me to an even more confused place and I just feel completely hopeless. I'm not really sure what the point of this post is but I guess it can't really do any harm.