Feeling like shit

Im feeling so bad right now, i have lots of troubles in my life. Im getting blind, I suffer a lot on my childhood: like parental abuse, bullying, anxiety, shit like that. I dont know what to do now. Im lost... every day I think about to kill my self, but I dont have the courage to do it... Im so stupid and I think that if I try to suicide, Ill do it bad... I dont wanna live In comma or something like that. I pray for help everyday but no body answer. I hate this shit, I hate everything... I dont wanna live anymore. I need help, just help me.