Feeling lonely when surronded by people

Hi everyone.

I just need someone to let this out to, and some advice.

I feel lonely when I am with other people. Always. I have always been introverted, and prefer being by myself, but I genuinely enjoy talking to people. Sometimes, I can talk for hours to people, and enjoy every bit of it. But I can never get over this pervading sense of sadness. I just feel so alone. And it's almost always when I am with other people that my depressive thoughts and suicidal ideation come back. When no one is around however, I don't usually feel this way. I am almost always able to push away the bad thoughts. Otherwise, my negative thoughts are constant. I never feel more lonely than when I am with other people. I don't understand how such conflicting emotions can exist at once in my mind.

Also, I don't know how to get rid of the suicidal thoughts. All my friends seem to have their lives in order, but I feel like nothing will ever be okay. I am so tired of trying and I really want to give up. I just don't know what to do. I am just exhausted all the time.