Finding a will to go on.

hello. im finding difficulty in trying to keep myself alive. i just see no point to anything. i used to keep my head above water by telling myself that someday, ill succeed, or someday, ill achieve my dreams. that theres still too many movies i wanna see before i die. that i wanna make my parents proud. that i still want to leave a mark behind before i go.

but now, i just see no point. if i dont do it, someone else will, & i just dont care about ‘getting there anymore. i dont care if i ever leave a mark. i dont think ill ever achieve anything either. simply, i dont think ill ever amount to anything. i cant find a reason to continue. i just see no point to doing anything. i used to want to find a way to live & would grasp at straws, but now...its whatever. i dont want to do anything. wished for death on multiple occasions & attempted around 4-5 times. i am tired.

i hope this was comprehensible. i dont know where else to go or who to talk to. cant afford therapy or meds. cant do anything. hoping to find unbiased responses. & a reason to continue living.