First Real crush and my low self-esteem kicked in
I found out I liked this guy for probably a while recently and started talking to him over insta. All was well until about a 2 weeks ago I started having dreams about said crush and getting freaked out cause this never happened before. And then this week my self-esteem went down the toilet and my depression came back after pretty much leaving me alone for the last 8 months. Though to be fair I have randomly started processing trauma with like no control. Not to mention the fact that I have cried like every night for 4 day straight thinking about past memories. One of my friends is even like he may like me back and he might but at this point all I can hear is voice of people in the past putting me down every time I even entertain the thought of him liking me back.
@OtteredOne I'm sorry you're going though that. I returned to 7cups in January because I had a severe backslide with my depression and self esteem too. Firstly, I think it's important to remember that these "relapses/backslides" or what ever you call it, aren't failures. We didn't do anything wrong for these feelings to resurface and the first step in recovering is to not blame ourselves for our feelings.
Secondly, dealing with self-esteem issues and depression requires consistent effort. They might be little steps but it is important to continue investing time in yourself in order to see a difference. I have found that reframing thoughts have been the most helpful. When it somes to self-esteem, I have been working towards replacing the thought "I'm not good enough" with something more positive like one of the following: "I am smart or else I wouldn't have been accepted into this program", "I am strong because I have been able to fight to reach this point", "I might have gotten that wrong but I am still learning". The first time I tried this exercise it felt silly. It felt like I was lying to myself or I wasn't being genuine. The first time you reframe a thought it probably wont feel genuine because at the time it is one compliment you are giving yourself vs the millions of insults you've said to yourself. But the more we practice, the more we replace the negative thoughts in our head with positive ones, the more we will start to believe them. I admit that the bad thoughts still slip through and I am still working through my depression and self esteem issues. But when I think about were I am now compared to where I was a month ago, I do see progress. That's why this is the exercise I like to recommend to others. Getting better means we need to change the way we think about ourselves. It takes time but there is no easy fix for the problems we're facing (or if there is, I certainly haven't heard of it yet). Be patient with yourself but remain active in your recovery. These thoughts and feelings will pass and you can move on with your life.
Lastly, I obviously haven't met you before but I am sure you are an amazing person. Those memories of hurtful comments were said by people that aren't in your life anymore. That was another life and you were a different person. You have grown so much since then and you have surrounded yourself with a supportive network that want the best for you. The friends that are confirming your beliefs that this person in Insta likes you back wouldn't lie. Even if you can't trust your own judgement on the issue, you can trust theirs. Don't feel pressured to start a relationship if you would prefer to focus on yourself and managing your depression. But at the same time, don't run away from a potential relationship JUST because you're afraid of how it might turn out. Make sure that whatever you decide, you chose it for the right reasons.
@SecretlyMe thank you for the advice I'm definitely at a crossroads, and I'll try the affirmation soon hopefully, I might have to write them down. And for the crush I think I interact with him second to most and I just didn't think he liked from signs, the friend who said he might doesn't interact with him so and called me Tina from Bob's burgers, so I'm not completely sure I'm going to listen to her
@OtteredOne Writing the affirmations is a great idea. That is especially helpful when you are struggling to think of new ones; then you can go back and reread the ones you came up with before on a particularly bad day.
I was recently at a crossroads that took me a long time to decide. It was a different kind of situation but I was in the same predicament where I couldn't decide if the right choice was to move forward with a scary new experience or shy away to return to my comfort zone. I posted a few threads on this site and connected with countless listeners while I sought help. Advice in support for both options came back. It seems like this unofficial poll I was running was spit 50/50 which mirrored how I felt inside. Ultimately, my counselor was the one to help me make a decision. He advised that it was best to look at the decision void of any emotion. Imagine this situation was happening to a friend or aquaintance (a situation where you didn't have as much at stake with how it turned out), what would you tell them to do? So I looked at my options again. It was difficult to remove the emotions but I think it helped. I kept getting drawn to one option more and more and suddenly it didn't feel 50/50 but more like 70/30. That was enough. I made my decison. It was hard because when I followed through the emotions I was attempting to supress while decision-making came flooding back. As difficult as it was I think I made the right call and as soon as I finish processing these emotions I will ultimately be better off than if I went with the other option that was motivated by emotions rather than logic.
I don't know if that helped. I kept it vague so it can relate to your situation and hopefully that didn't end up making it more confusing. If it did, I don't mind sharing the specifics with you in order to clear it up. Like I said I already shared this will a lot of people on this site. But the point was that I hope this advice helps you make a decision for yourself. It takes the pressure off of "Am I making the right choice?" and instead changes it to "Which is the logical choice?" That will ensure that you are making a choice for the right reasons.