Freaking out here.

I know that this is going to be an incredibly stupid and needy post, but I don't know where else to turn. My partner was recently hired as a seasonal driver for UPS. Apparently they send you to Chicago for a week of training. We have never been apart for more than a weekend in almost 3 years. I know that I am a super dependant person and I know that I am clingy and needy. I also hate change and freak out when things are beyond any of my control.

When my partner first found out about this training, the plan was to just buy me a ticket and I would come along. Apparently he mentioned this to his supervisor today and she was like "yeah probably not, there will be no canoodling on company time." Understandable, but super stressful. We don't know if he will have a roommate during this trip, but it stands to reason that he would, so sneaking me in could risk his job. So I'm freaking out. I don't know how to handle this situation or how to get through a week by myself with no support as a highly depressed, anxiety ridden, suicidal individual. I know from the past that he is terrible at staying available/present when he is not around. He doesn't really do phone calls and texts 3 or 4 words at a time.

I of course want him to have this job, but I have no idea how to deal with this. Also, both of us were super excited at the prospect of being able to check out Chicago a bit together. He understands my issues to a point, but also he doesn't see why I won't be just fine while he is away.

I know a week isn't a long time in the grand scheme of things, but I'm weak. When he did overnight shifts I couldn't sleep for the longest time.

I am feeling lost and scared.