Girlfriend tells me to stop shoving my depression in her face
My girlfriend and I have been together for almost 3 years now. Near the end of November last year, she has started to act rude and full of hatred towards me. I always used to be able to talk to her about how I feel. She yelled at me a few weeks ago and told me to stop shoving my depression in her face and that I have no reason to feel this way. It just hurts so much. Knowing I cant go to the one person I felt were my safe space. My depression is getting so bad. I truly have no one to talk to, but Im hanging on even though its hard.
I don't know how to help, btu you're not alone. I feel like depression is really misunderstand by people who have gone through it, but more so by those have not experianced it. My husband and I have both been through some very difficult and depressed times, yet neither of us are pros at helping the other (or even ourselves). Sometimes it seems like we can't look past our own problems far enough to see the other person's. Is there a chance that she is either going through something big on her own and isn't feeling supported, or that she feels like you are blaming her?
Note: I am absoutely not trying to blame you. I just am telling you what seems to be part of the root when my husband and start to hurt each other or lash out (not physically, hurt as in not helpful/supportive)
@cayco17
@quietHickory7252
Hi, thank you so much for the reply. I am an upcoming college student (on campus) and she is currently finishing her freshman year of college (commuter). About from her junior to senior year, she suffered with depression along with other problems. I was always there for her and never let her go to bed upset. It honestly made me heartbroken knowing that she felt that way, considering I always wanted the absolute best for her. Fast forward a year from then, she still struggles with depression but it is very obviously not has bad as it was. From the end of October / beginning of November, she has distanced herself from me. I asked her about it dozens of times - at first her response was something along the lines of "it's not you, it's me". I never quite understood what that meant since she never explained it in-depth. From her distancing herself from me, I have fallen into a bad stage of depression. I rarely get out of bed and constantly feel sad and needy. I would also add that I don't really have many friends (hoping to change that this summer when I am off to college). What hit me hard is that whenever I brought up my feelings, which she even said to always bring them up with her, she would threaten to be "done" or just disappear for awhile if I said that I was sad or depressed.
@cayco17 Honestly you don't deserve to be treated that way. I'm sure your girlfriend just feel bad because she can't do much to help you. You should try talking about it together. Love surpasses everything.
Hi! I am familiar with both sides of this. Im not saying I fully understand what you are going through right now, nor can I thoroughly comprehend the way your girlfriend is reacting to you. These types of issues can feel so eerily subtle and personal. I have general familiarity because I have been the distant and depressive one, and I am currently on the receiving end. Its extremely difficult on both sides.
That being said, the best thing to do in my experience if you havent already) is to seek counseling for yourself personally. Its very hard during a depression to get out of feeling guilty. When you perceive concern as a smothering attack no one wins. Sometimes, it helps to restructure thought patterns and develop healthy habits. This can help you see your partner as an attribute instead of a detriment.
Recently, Ive tried to pay attention to the things in my life that upset me. Ive been paying attention to my work environment, my family life, and of course my relationship. I have mAde an effort not to react based upon fleeting emotion, but rather a trend of behavior. My partners behavior, and our reactions to each other.
When I feel under appreciated in my relationship, I can react in inflammatory ways. I become frustrated with the feelings I have, yet I cant share them with my partner because I perceive him as fragile. Sometimes I share those feelings with friends or family, and they always support me. You can see how this might become a hot bed of contention.
She might need some help in being patient with you through these times. I understand its extremely offensive for you to receive this from her, however, its also important that you consider the idea that she might have been holding some emotions back; its possible they came out in a dysfunctional way.
Check in with her from a place of empathy. You will get results. If she doesnt receive it warmly, thats only information.
@hardworkingCat2668
Hi, thank you so much for taking the time to reply. It is nice to know that I am not the only one who has went through an experience like this. I have also been on both ends myself. My girlfriend was in a bad place for awhile, but I managed to stay patient, support her, and be with her through everything. In the end, I just guess it's how people want to handle and most importantly, how they can handle their partner's depression. I was more than happy to see her improve whilst helping her, but I can understand that she may not know how to help me. I am seeking professional help in the next few months when I go to college. I am hoping that I will be able to find some supportive friends there and make me less dependent on my girlfriend. Once again, thank you for the reply.
@cayco17
@cayco17
That's really rough, I'm sorry. I've realized that most people who have never experienced depression themselves have no ability to empathize with those of us who have it. I just joined this site but it seems like there are lots of people who are supportive and caring.
@Amaruq
Hi, thank you so much for the reply. I agree that there are some very friendly and supportive people on here. I am happy with all the feedback and responses I am getting. I completely understand and know that people are not responsible for always taking care of the ones who are depressed, but someone who always used to let me rant to them and always helped me through the bad times, to only all of a sudden making me feel scared whenever I brought up my emotions - it really breaks you down. The person that was once your safe space, and thought always would be.
