Grieving the End of Relationship
It's been a week since the abrupt death of my relationship and it's still a struggle. Had a very simple dream last night I was waiting to hear from her after work... like I'd usually do... and I realized I wouldn't be hearing from her ever again. Can't even escape her in dreams.
The hours and minutes seem eternal after a breakup .. keep looking at my phone to see if at new text comes when I know it won't .. why do I feel this way ? When it was a terrible relationship marked with constant verbal abuse .. I just got so used to it .. I can't stand this loneliness that envelopes me .. even though I know it was for the best that it ended it still hurts .. when you see that he's moving on so quickly and item stuck in this pain
Ah, the worst is looking at my phone expecting a text from her that will never come. It's like feeling a lost part of me. Even though the relationship was bad, for a while, can't stop the feeling of longing. Like suffering a drug withdrawal. So sad right now.
Hi I'm going through the exact same, the relationship was toxic and I know it wasn't right however I still crave him and he seems so strong and happy without me he still controls all of my natural emotions and completely destroys my happiness and all of my thoughts. How do u get through this ? What are you finding that helps you?
hellodolly,
i have been talking to as many friends as I possibly can for support. many want to help but have no idea what to say to console me but it is still good for me to vent. i have also been seeing a therapist once a week which has helped. right now, im on a small trip away, staying with friends, and it's helped a bit to be in a change of setting for a spell. that said, it's still so hard to escape all the triggered memories and the sudden assaults of panic and sadness. what some people may not understand is that recovery may come in cycles. you may feel better, then worse, then better, then worse. it's not just a steady lightening of burden. breathing exercises. meditation. trying to be good to yourself.
I have had one breakup is was seriously the hardest and most painful thing I ever had to go through. In the end we stopped talking to each other completely but just stayed acquaintances.
Hello dystopika,
I am currently going through the same thing. It hurts, it's having a physical affect on my body. Felt like "why am i here? to feel alone? to feel hurt? what's the point?". Believe me its a dark, dark road. My relationship wasn't that great either, 2 years of hardly any interest...he has moved on and he is now acting like boyfriend of the century. Hurts like hell.
You need to stop yourself from falling. What matters now is how you pick yourself up. If you have friends then they are the most powerful tools in your possession. Go out to any event, go out for lunches and drinks. If you don't have many or no friends (like me) then try and find out what you like, find a club to meet new people. Get a part-time job or find a course to take at college.
This is not the end, just a new chapter. There are 7 billion people on the planet, you WILL find someone.
thank you lucym,
im doing the best i can. it's hard because there are so many things that remind me of her all over the place and they trigger painful memories of happiness. the good memories are the worst because they make this breakup seem even more senseless.
I dreamt of a life with this person. we dreamt of a life together. she made me have this dream. and it's hard to let go of that.
Of course, I had a dream with my ex as well. Dreamt we would be living together, a family...just be together forever. My suggestion would be is to have a clear out. I threw everything out so nothing triggers me.It's hard to, but you must, for your own health.
Start taking things back for yourself, look at your room and think "right, this is all mine now. I'm going to buy the furniture that only I like, going to paint and make it mine". Simple things like that, only you matter!
Trouble is, it's not possessions that remind me of her. It'll be a song or something on tv or in a movie or something i see on the street. Triggers of memories. Trying so hard to reclaim my headspace. I hate missing her. I hate caring about her.
I know it will get easier. It's just an open wound right now. I am so sad.
I still find it hard to listen to lyrical music, I know how you feel with that one. At the moment I'm only listening to classical music..see of that helps you?
I'm also grieving. I miss my ex terribly, his face, his voice, his arms around me. We were long distance, but saw a lot of each other The thought that I'll probably never see him again now is like a knife in my heart. I'll also never see his beautiful home amongst the mountains ever again, and it's all just too unbearable..
i m so sry bravesugar.
i know how you feel. my grief feels like a knife twisting in my stomach. I actually feel panic thinking about her and the life we imagined and the real possibility i will never see her again. it kills me. my body clenches at the grief, as if bracing for an attack. i am doing the best i can right now. a lot of breathing exercises and attempts at meditation and some stress napping. lean on friends even if they say stupid things to help that are of little consolation. reach out everywhere. just keep trying.
I find friends saying 'oh you'll meet someone else' the worst thing, as the thought totally repulses me I'm not worried about meeting anyone; I couldn't be less interested actually. I just miss the man I thought was my forever love
No one knows what to say. your closest friends will say the worst things. i know we have to have patience with them but.... difficult
I understand completely. In fact, as I was reading this, I felt as though you were describing my own latest breakup.
His name is Nic and he's twenty-two years old to my sixteen. He lives in Texas; I live in Tennessee. We met through an RPG almost two years ago.
We've been on and off ever since then. I'll be the first to admit I used him as a rebound from a relationship I got out of only a day prior and was more needy than usual.
Anyway, Nic had always been leery of someone finding out about our relationship. He got angry when I blew up his phone or tried to call him more than once in a day.
In his defense, he had a job and other adult responsibilities, and he was always there to listen when I complained about my teenage problems. When I told him I missed him, he said he'd try to spend more time with me (but nothing really changed). He was super sweet and caring and level-headed, so much that I was scared to tell him I felt neglected because I thought it would come off as ungrateful and clingy.
So I tried to give him his space. I really did. But I'm terrified of thunderstorms and one night, we had a really bad one. I wanted so bad to message him little meaningless paragraphs but instead I decided to try and occupy myself with putting together a private Facebook photo album for the two of us.
Almost immediately he messaged me, demanding that I untag him NOW. He said I was a child and didn't understand that my actions had consequences and basically belittled me to a speck of nothing, until I was crying and telling him to never contact me again.
His response? "I've waited two years, I can wait two more." Then he blocked me.
In the days that follow, I swear I've never missed a human being more in my life. Even now, my heart aches when I think of him.
I wrote this on July 15th. Now it's the 21st and I can say with confidence that I'm in a considerably better place. I've even met someone else: a beautiful Icelandic girl my age with a quirky sense of humor.
So .. whoever said that time heals all wounds wasn't necessarily wrong nor right. Time certainly makes it easier to deal with. But the hardest part is going to be learning to live without that person. My advice? Take it one day at a time. An hour at a time, if necessary.
And know that you are going to get through this. You're not the first to ever have your heart broken and you won't be the last. There's a wealth of resources out there to ease the way towards the day when you'll be able to think of that person and not feel like falling apart all over again.
Until then, just breathe and take care of yourself, lovely. Easier said than done, I know, but you got this. Okay? You got this.