Guilty tripping friends

I lost both my grandmothers a year and half ago, both died a month apart and it being the first time I lost someone so close I fell into such deep and dark depression. I alienated my friends for almost a year, recently I have felt better, going out more and such, but I have two friends that make me feel uncomfortable and guilty tripped. I used to spend my weekend at their house, but not anymore, when I started to socialize again this one friend kept asking me, every single Friday, to come to the house. I know they have good intentions as they were one of the two friends who wrote to me in my darkest times. But it just makes me feel terrible that I don't feel the same motivation to be the same person I was before. The second one is a bit complicated, as big group of friends there is bound to be drama, and they also suffer depression so I try to understand their behavior, so conbine the weird social drama, my mourning and depression I literally was dead to them. Now Everytime I try to move on and be friendly like so used to (we were Really close tbh) they keep saying "you don't love me anymore" they might mean it as a joke but it bothers me SO much. Besides, makes me think "why should I feel guilty when they never wrote to me for the year and half we were apart, yet I have to be the one responsable to keep the relationship stable" It just makes me angry and so sad it triggers my depression and alienate me even more from them. Have you felt like that way too?