Help. What do I do?
I am struggling to the point that i seriously dont know what to do. Ive been battling my depression, anxiety & ptsd for years. I struggled to get out of a bad situation that left me with ptsd. Husband is 20 year has a double personality, addictions I didnt even know. I am now divorced. Back to working last 4 years. Raising for kids on my own. Their father lives 200 miles away. Which is good, but I literally have no back up. I take meds. I see psychiatrist. Have had a specialize counselor, done trauma therapy, I have an excellent counselor now that you know me for years. I even have a support group of wonderful, intelligent ladies that we have been meeting for 6 year because we had similar problems in a marriages weve had to keep secret to protect out children & judgement of others. I am trying. Yet I keep sinking deeper into the darkness. I dont know what to do. I had surgery for 4 weeks ago. Supposed to recoup for 6. But taking care of kids...work needing me... there is no rest. So I just fall further behind in house, tackling bills & even the simplest tasks. I am paralyzed. I want to give up. I dont know what to do. I keep trying to push thru, but nothing improves. I continue to feel worse. I have no joy. Im in physical & mental pain that is crippling. Please help.
@sympatheticApple4263
Hi. Welcome to 7 Cups and for sharing what is going on for you right now.
It sounds like you have quite a bit to battle with and it must be hard looking after your kids on your own with all the things that have happened in the past.
I also know that recoupation can really take it out of you and as you had the surgery 4 weeks ago, you must still be recovering. But so hard to take the time for yourself with all those other things going on. I am just wondering how you manage to cope on a daily basis.
I am a listener here so please let me know if I can help.
Take Care
paul
@calmPaul281 I dont seem to be coping. That is why I am asking for help. I try 4-7-8 breathing. Normally would have group to talk to, but to be honest... I am the only one who divorced my spouse, theirs working programs & or were put in jail & working programs now. And many very wealthy, so hard to relate pressures of caring for a house & working. I have more children, no spouse, work & have to clean my own house (LOL) so i feel it can be hard for them to relate. Yet they are really there for me 100%. But holiday & surgery no group. I take meds. Talk to counselor. & psychiatrist. I find I distract myself with tv or phone to distract my mind because I am not coping. I even turn to wine to calm my mind at night, but know that is counterproductive, so really trying to cut that out overall. Since surgery have not been doing. I just am not seeming to be getting any better. Im on a treadmill of barely getting by. With mouth teens & stresses. I really find myself wanting to disappear & give up. I dont see the point of this struggle with no joy. I really find myself in a bad mindset & worry I will give up. I would heed any advice to help me.
@sympatheticApple4263 hello! I have no experience in marriage and raising kids, so I may be wrong at some point. But I really want to help you. So here are a few suggestions:
Have you considered taking a long holiday of 2-3 weeks where you can give time to yourself?
Also, what age are your kids? If they are grown enough, explain them the situation clearly. We underestimate children. I think they'll understand.
About you feeling depressed. Have you considered helping others? Maybe volunteering at local shelter or giving to charity or becoming a listener here.
Hae you considered talking to your coworkers? I think the key is not remaining secretive about it.
Hope you find these suggestions helpful. I have been suicidal, so you have my empathy.
@Searcher47 thank you for your suggestions. My kids are bigger & great kids. Like world changing. Smart & good people. They voulenteer. Presidents of their classes of 600+. My oldest just had an inteverview for Dartmouth. (Kids 17, 16, 14, 12). I guess that is what is pushing me down lower. They wont even do a chore & I am not supposed to lift more than a gallon of milk. They are on this 17day break & I am in tears with the back talking & how they wont help & I cant rest. I am close with my kids so I am finding it extra hurtful that they are such good people to everyone & can be hurtful to me when I need them.
Work, sadly havent been able to be fully off even in off season & with this surgery. So that is a no go. I am only one who can do my job. And I am paid hourly. But have flexibility with kids so must keep a bit longer.
I would love to volunteer but I cant even seem to keep myself or my responsibilities together. I dont know how I would fit in more.
If I ever give myself permission for downtime, or am crippled by anxiety into it, I am overwhelmed by how much further I am behind.
I know I need to reframe my thinking & just cant seem too :(
@sympatheticApple4263 you mentioned that you see a psychiatrist and are on medication. It seems they are not working. Have you told about this to the psychiatrist?
Also, you mentioned a group of six women. This means you have friends. Do they help you in any way? Can you ask them to come over at your place? Maybe spending time with them (or people in general) may help you get better.
I'm sure your kids are great, but they depend on you. What would happen if you are not there for them? I'm sure they love you. It's just that we unknowingly hurt our loved ones (I have this experience with my mom). Also, you have poured your heart out to me, and I know it's not easy. So please don't give up. I would be crushed.
But after all, I am not a professional. If you are feeling really down, should I flag you? You will be suggested to contact a suicide helpline. Don't hesitate to ask for help.
If not, we can keep talking :) Just don't give up.
PS: sorry for replying so late.
@sympatheticApple4263 I have been through surgeries and I know how they can affect you. It seems like things are never going to get better, but they do. The hardest thing for me is to ask for help, but I learned that I have to. After one surgery my minister told me I was going to accept help whether I liked it or not. I had a friend stay over, other people from the church came by during the day to walk my dogs and give me lunch. I had to prioritize what I needed to get done. Would that possibly help you? I also learned that if I overdo it then it just makes things worse for a longer period of time. Above all try to be gentle with yourself. You just had major surgery so of course you can't do everything and of course you are more depressed. You are having normal reactions to major surgery. It's OK to feel awful as long as you hang in there.
@sympatheticApple4263
Hi! I may be a member but I have an idea.
You seemed to have tried every option you can think of! You're so very brave. Yet, there is something surgical you can do. It's a brain surgery called DBS. I haven't done much research into it but it can help with physiatric disorders.
Good luck,
Emily
