Hey, new to the site, this is an introduction

Hi, I'm Zoe, 24, MtF trans from the middle east (Sorry, I just didn't find help anywhere where I live ban me if you want)

New to this site, kind of a last resort

I work in graphic design in a horrible print shop where I get yelled at all the time. I used to want to be a graphic designer but these days I don't... I'm considering sex work, but I'm not very attractive

I used to draw for a decade, but nowadays I just sit and do nothing but get high cause it's the closest thing to not feeling anything, I used to have an artistic and creative mind, but it's gone now.. I'm trying to liven it up a little by trying to sculpt and trying to break out of the norm but to no avail

I didn't go to college yet, too dumb for it... and when if I do get there, I know I'll fail

I have one friend, he's always been there for me, and I tried to be there for him... he's my only friend... I've never opened up to him about it until recently, and now I'm deathly afraid of losing him for that

I'm also scared I'd lose him because he's surrounded with friends, he's basically the fetish icon I always dreamed of being, and he's constantly surrounded by people in real life and on social media, and I know for sure that one day he'll find someone better and just drift away from me... I'm also really jealous of him for being so deep into the fetish community, I'd love to find friends to do stuff like that with me but I'm not attractive, never been... or interesting

I sometimes feel like a secondary character in his life

I don't know how to make new friends so once it happens that's it

My mind is constantly flooded with worries and depression... and most of the time I can't even let it out by crying...

I wish I never existed to begin with a lot of times... that I didn't learn enough to be jealous and to be worried and depressed and want stuff

Thanks for listening,

Is there something you'd like to know about me?