How do I support my online friend who's despressed?

SUMMARY

Depression is one of the most widespread mental health disorders in the world, with nearly a fifth of adults in Britain experiencing some form of depression or anxiety, and an estimated one in ten suffering from depression alone in the United States. People who are depressed often feel persistently sad or down for weeks or months, and this can be very difficult to deal with, often hindering ones ability to function ‘normally in day to day tasks.

As put by Jadie:

Depression is battling all your thoughts and instincts to complete even the simplest of tasks.

Depression is feeling drained of energy, even before youve spent it.

Depression is long hours of cyclic thoughts that point to yourself as the villain.

Depression is waking up to a world that moves too quickly for you to catch up.

Depression is using muscle memory to hold up a smile, all the while swallowing negative thoughts that sink deeper inside you.

Depression is being ashamed of yourself, for damaging the world around you.

IN THE CHAT

Depression is more than just feeling sad. Its also linked closely with feelings of hopelessness, apathy and anxiety, as well as a variety of physical symptoms. It is critical that you do not appear in anyway dismissive of the members feelings, or suggest that its something they can fix with ease, as this will only contribute to their feelings of hopelessness.

If they seem unsure, help them to identify the negative thought cycles that they are wrapped up in. This shouldnt be expressed directly, but issued through more questions and affirmation, such as: You mentioned that you often find yourself sinking into a low mood, can you think of any specific thoughts you were having last time this happened? Be aware that it may be hard to for the member to put a finger on specific thoughts, as can quite easily become jumbled and hard to identify.

Dont trivialize the reasons behind their feelings. Pay equal attention to all of the factors they mention, and try not to gloss over certain points, or pay too much attention to others. It can be very difficult to find this balance, and this applies to many other chats you may encounter.

Common Statements You Can Expect & How To Deal With Them

Though depression varies from person to person, there are some general statements that may come up throughout the course of the chat, and its important that you address them:

Im sorry for bringing you down/ I must be really annoying/Sorry for dumping all this on you

In this instance the initial answer is likely quite simple. Gently assure them that its fine, that you are okay, they are not annoying you, and they arent bringing you down. In many cases the member doesnt actually want to stop talking, its just hard for them, or they just feel like they dont deserve your support. The first step is to reassure them that they do.

Im just being silly/over exaggerating, plenty of people have it worse.

People suffering from depression often have very low self-worth. It can be easy for them to attribute their problems to themselves; that the depression is their fault, that theyre making it up, that they just need to stop feeling so sorry for themselves. Comparing their problems to others is common and can really be harmful.

Theres just no point anymore.

This can easily be misinterpreted as being actively suicidal, but that is not always the case. Before jumping into linking the member to a suicide hotline, ask the member to elaborate on what they mean. Not seeing meaning or purpose in life is not always the same as wanting to kill yourself.

Nobody cares about me.

As with the other points here, this requires your own judgement to respond to. Its likely that the member is convinced that this is true. At the same time though there may be a logical part of them that knows this is not the case. These two mind-sets are completely contradictory, but a perfectly normal.

You often have two ways to go about this (unless youre much cleverer than I am)

Ask them why it is that they think that and explore it with them. Chances are theyll discover that these thoughts dont necessarily have a strong basis.

Tell them that you care about them. You dont know them, youve never met them before in your entire life, but you care. And you will be there for them, whenever you can.

[Warning here: Only use this one if its 100% true. Think about the commitment you are making. Thats a big claim youve just made, and if you dont stick to it, youre only going to make them feel worse.]

LISTENER TIPS AND TRICKS FOR WHEN YOURE STUCK

"Have you told any of your family or friends how you feel?"

Can you think of anything that helps you to release your emotions sometimes, when youre feeling down?

How do you think your depression has affected you day-to-day? It must be incredibly hard to deal with something like this, and still carry on.

Can you put your finger on any particular feelings or thoughts that go through your head when you are feeling low?

AFTERCARE AND THINGS TO REMEMBER POST-CHAT

Try not to be upset if you dont feel like you have made an immediate impact on the member. When someone is feeling low, it can be very hard to bring somebody out of it, and thats not something you should expect to be able to do. This doesnt mean that your chat was not helpful in any way, even if the member seems upset at the end of the chat.